


New Encounters

by Ta_Moe



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Complete, F/M, M/M, Magic Reveal, Post Season/Series 03, Pre Season/Series 04, Story itself is complete
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2013-04-02
Packaged: 2017-11-27 23:07:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 31,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/667496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ta_Moe/pseuds/Ta_Moe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin receives a letter from his mother to meet her back in Ealdor. She has an important message for him.<br/>Hunith wants Merlin to get married to a girl she knows from along time ago, but Merlin realises his feelings for Arthur exceed friendship by far and he tries his best to hide them, while Arthur has issues with Gwen...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Message from Mother

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for episodes up to end of series 3! (Written after series 3 and the beginning of series 4) --> slight spoilers for series 4

The sun was shining brightly through the window of Merlin's small room. He slowly opened his blue eyes and blinked as he was dazzled by the morning sun. A yawn escaped from his lips. After a moment lying and blankly staring at the ceiling he got up.   
Gaius was already up and being his busy self, when Merlin opened the door of his room, “Morning”, he mumbled and stretched his neck.   
“Oh, good morning, Merlin”, Gaius greeted him smiling, “Already up, pretty early for you”  
Merlin shot him a disapproving glance and grinned, “Well, as in summer the sun tends to start showing its face earlier than other times it's no wonder, I guess”  
Gaius nodded, then he went to one of the tables, full of glasses, books and tinctures, grabbed an envelope and pushed it into his hands.  
“What's that?”  
“From your mother”, Gaius answered and gave his attention back to his open books and science work.  
The seal was still closed and the paper had Merlin's name on it, “What's this about”  
“Read and find out”  
Merlin opened the letter carefully and started reading.

My dear son,

It's been a while since you last came home to Ealdor,  
I hope you are feeling well and safe at Camelot.  
Still, I have something to tell you, which can not be done on paper.  
Thus I ask you to come home as soon as possible.

Love, your Mother.

The boy looked up and stared at Gaius, “Do you know, what this is about?”  
“How could I know?”, the old man said and turned to look at him, “I didn't read it”  
“She wants me to come home, she writes that she has something important to tell me”  
He looked at his mentor with a confused look on his face, “Do you have any idea, what this could be about?”   
Gaius shook his head, “No, sorry, Merlin. I can't read minds. And I'm pretty sure your mother didn't tell me anything the last time I met her”  
“What am I gonna do?”  
“How about you think about it yourself instead of asking me”  
Merlin closed his mouth, as he was about to say something else.  
“I should talk to Arthur”, that said he stormed out of Gaius chambers and made his way to Arthur's.  
“Silly boy”, Gaius said smiling and looked at the only clean table at Merlin's untouched breakfast.


	2. Pratty Prat Prince

“Rise and shine”, Merlin pulled open the curtains in one quick move and looked grinning over to the bed where Arthur was trying to get his face out of the sunlight that was now filling the whole room.  
He growled displeased, turned his back to his servant and pulled the bedsheets over his head.  
“Come on”, Merlin said smirking, “You don't want to be late for training”  
Arthur did not answer.  
“Get up!”, he took the end of the bed sheet and pulled at it, tried to jerk it away from the prince.   
However the blond man held it strong in his grip against Merlin's pulling. As Arthur was stronger than his servant, he soon gave up and decided to try something else.  
Instead of pulling the sheets away, he now started pushing it towards Arthur's head, until his feet and legs lay bare.  
The prince growled again and sat up, “Since when are you even on time, Merlin?”  
Merlin did not answer. He just grinned broadly.  
Arthur looked at him annoyed, “Where's my breakfast?”  
“Everything's ready for the prince”, he said and shook his head towards the table.  
“Great”, Arthur murmured, stretched his arms and stood up.  
*  
As he was clean, dressed and had eaten, Arthur sat back in his chair and stared at Merlin.   
“What?”, Merlin asked irritated and laid his head to one side.  
“Nothing”, Arthur mumbled and took a sip of water, “It's just”  
He paused, placed the mug back on the table and met Merlin's eyes again, “you're awfully attendant today”   
Merlin chuckled, “I always am, Sire”  
“Yeah, I know”, the irony was unmistakable.   
He glared at his servant, “So?”  
“So what?”, Merlin was confused.  
“What do you want?”, the prince sighed and leaned on the table, “You want something, right”  
“How did you...”  
“You are not even trying to hide it!”, Arthur interrupted him, “Merlin!”  
“Er”, the young dark haired boy looked to his feet, “I don't want anything”  
Arthur let out a short fake laughter, “Now it's too late, Merlin. So, what is it?”  
“I, er...”, Merlin staggered, “My mother – I... I want to visit her”  
“That's all?”  
“Yes, does this mean I can go?”, Merlin looked up at the blond a happy smile on his face.   
“Yes, of course. Next month I wanted to check out some things in the country anyway, we can stop by Ealdor on our way”  
“Stop... by? Next month?”  
“Yes, what did you expect?”  
“I wanted ...”, Merlin was fidgeting, “to go today”  
Arthur looked at him in shock, “Today?”  
“Yes, she wrote me a letter and said it was urgent”  
“No way. You can't just leave your duties here at Camelot and go on vacation”, the prince stood and walked over to Merlin.  
“It's not... a vacation”, Merlin said loudly.  
“I told you, we will go next month! That must be early enough”  
“No! I have to go now!”, Merlin shouted.  
“Don't you yell at me, Merlin. I warn you!”, Arthur stepped closer to his servant, lifting warningly a finger.  
“I'm not”, Merlin exclaimed and shut his mouth again the moment he had said it and had gotten a murderous glare of Arthur.  
“You are and if you keep this up, I'll not go with you to Ealdor not even in a month!”  
And this was the prince's last word. He stepped out of the room and stormed angrily down the hallway.   
“Prat”, Merlin whispered pouting after Arthur had left.


	3. Mad Princes and Pissed Servants

After Arthur left for training, Merlin put the leftovers of the prince's breakfast on a tablet and walked out, taking them back to the kitchen. On his way there, he couldn't help but overhear two knights conversing in the hallway; it seemed like they believed no one could hear them whispering.  
“Prince Arthur's really in a foul mood today,” one said quietly. “I only told him that the king wanted to see him. He snapped, saying that he didn't care about that or that he'd go when he liked and wants other people to stop ordering him around.”  
Merlin's mouth fell open as he pressed up against the wall between them and him, trying to stay hidden.  
“That's strange,” the other replied. “You know, I heard something similar from somewhere else. And there’s a rumor going around amongst the servants that you shouldn't get too close to the prince these days; he's close to bursting.”  
That couldn't be true, could it? Merlin was irritated, was he the only one who hadn’t noticed? Arthur seemed normal around him; he was acting like he always had.  
“I wonder what set it off,” the first knight said curiously.  
“If you ask me, it must be a woman,” the other man laughed. “It's always about a woman when a man starts behaving strangely.”  
“Let's hope he's going to snap out of it.”  
“The sooner the better.”  
Merlin stood there in silence as they strolled off, still talking and chuckling with each other. He still couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Without a second thought, he ran to the kitchen. Once the plates were put away, he hurried back to Arthur's chambers, where he waited for the prince to arrive - he tidied up the room to pass the time.  
*  
When Arthur finally came back, he was in an even sourer mood than before. Merlin could already tell that it wouldn’t be a good idea to ask a second time about his leave. Instead, he prepared the prince a bath and laid out fresh clothes, hoping to lighten up the mood a little by talking.  
“How was the training?” Merlin asked happily, helping Arthur out of his armour.  
“Just shut up, Merlin, would you?” Arthur grumbled. “I'm not in the mood for your gibberish.”  
“Alright,” he shrugged and turned to put the body armour away.  
Arthur vanished behind the screen and threw his dirty laundry over it, right into Merlin's face. “Get those cleaned,” he demanded  
“Yes, Sire,” Merlin said sighing, gathering all the clothing together.  
“Oh, and about the thing you asked me before.”  
Merlin's face lit up, “Yes?”  
Arthur looked around the screen, “You really cannot go.”  
The boy hung his head as the prince disappeared again. “Why not?” he murmured.  
“Because,” the prince emerged from behind the screen with only a towel around his waist, “I say so. Oh, and I need you to do some things.”


	4. About Losers and Winners

“It didn't go as planned, did it?” Gaius asked, pushing a bowl of soup into Merlin's hands.  
“No,” he answered, taking the food and sat down at the table. “He won't let me go.”  
“What are you going to do about it?”  
“I don't know,” he sighed and ate a spoonful of soup.   
He was starving. Arthur had made him muck out the stables, clean his chambers twice, polish his armor until it was as shiny as a silver lining, and bring him his lunch before he allowed him to get something to eat for himself.  
The prince was still mad at him. However, Merlin couldn't quite figure out why he would be this stubborn about this little thing. It wasn’t like this was the first time he wanted to go home to see his mother and it wasn’t like he planned on not coming back. So, why was Arthur this agitated about it now?  
Merlin finished the soup as he thought to himself silently. Gaius raised an eyebrow at the unusual quietness of the boy but let him be.  
“I think,” Merlin began after pushing the bowl away, “I should talk to Gwen. Maybe she knows more; maybe Arthur's just having a bad day.”  
He wouldn't tell Gaius about what he had heard in the hallway. And if they were right, then Gwen would be the one person who would know; as she was the only woman that would be concerned.   
Gaius nodded, “Do what you think you should do.”  
*  
“Gwen?” Merlin knocked several times at the maiden’s door, but it wouldn’t open.  
The young woman from next door waved at Merlin and told him Gwen was out. She had seen her with a man, talking about going to a very small tavern Merlin had often heard about.  
He thanked her and made his way down to the tavern in question; he knew it was the favourite one of a certain knight and one that none of the others would frequent.  
It was one of the very small and cramped places, filled with - more or less - the pleasant smell of stale beer and old smoke. Merlin looked around then went to the very back of the room. What he saw there probably explained Arthur's unpleasant behaviour.  
Gwen and Lancelot were sitting in a narrow corner on a small bench. Each had a cup in one hand while they held the other’s between them. Lancelot was not looking at Gwen, but squeezed her hand affectionately when she glanced at him with such loving eyes. Merlin couldn’t take a step closer and, instead, turned quickly and walked out of there.  
If he could find out about this so easily and quickly, he was certain Arthur already knew all about it.


	5. A Change of Mind

Once he got back to Arthur's chambers, Merlin found the prince sitting at the window looking out on the court. Instead of saying anything, he quickly started preparing a bath.   
Then, Arthur broke the silence with “Merlin.” The young boy turned his head to look at the prince properly. “You may go.”  
Merlin stared at him startled, “But your bath…”  
“To Ealdor,” the prince clarified impatiently and groaned. “You idiot”  
“Oh, thank you!” he smiled and got back to his work. “I’m not going to ask what changed your mind, because I'm afraid you might take it back.”  
“That's very trusting of you, Merlin,” Arthur said sarcastically, but was grinning as he walked towards his servant, tossing his shirt away.  
“I know,” the boy grinned back and stood up.  
“You may go tomorrow. But, be back within the same week or I'll seriously sack you.” He was now standing right in front of Merlin and was pointing with his index finger at Merlin's chest without touching it. “So whatever your mother wants, tell her to make it quick.”  
Merlin rolled his eyes and moved around the prince to pick up the shirt he had dropped on the floor before.  
*  
The next morning, Merlin left the minute the sun had risen above the horizon, colouring the whole kingdom in shiny gold light. Arthur had even given him a horse to travel with to make sure that Merlin would be back as soon as possible. The young warlock didn't even want to think about how the prince would cope without him the next couple of days.  
But, still, a grin made its way onto his face by the mere thought of how shocked the royal arse would be when a silent (and boring) servant would wake him on time.

When Merlin finally reached his birth town, his mother, Hunith, came running towards him and hugged him tight the moment he was down from the horse.  
When he noticed that she was smiling, Merlin was relieved. In fact, she seemed happy; which only made Merlin confused. He had thought that something bad was happening. “Mother, are you alright?”  
Hunith only smiled at him and made her way back to their home, dragging her son along by an arm. “Mother, you said you had something important to tell me,” he said as he was pulled along. “So, here I am. And I'm relieved to see that you’re really happy and cheery, but, what was the letter about?”  
“I want you to meet someone,” she said as she pushed him through the door into the old hut. The moment he went in, Merlin started to understand and he regretted his decision to come here this very instant.


	6. New Friends

“Hello,” he stammered, when he finally found his voice again.  
A tall girl was standing in the kitchen, hands in a bowl of water and scrubbing a bunch of potatoes clean. Judging by the large messy knot on top of her head, her ash-blonde hair must have been fairly long. The dirty shirt she was wearing seemed much too big and might possibly have been white when it was new. The sleeves were pushed up the elbow and held there with short black leather bands. Instead of a dress, the girl wore brown pants that already had holes at the knees and were pushed into dark leather boots.  
She turned to face Merlin and the boy saw a smiling face covered in dirt. “Hey,” she said and shoved one of the loose strands of hair out of her face with her elbow.  
“Who-” Merlin began but was interrupted by his mother.  
“This is my son Merlin,” Hunith introduced and pushed him further inside the room. “Merlin, this is Maria.”  
The girl grinned and held a hand still dripping with water out to Merlin.  
“Er…” Merlin forced a smile back, shook her hand before crying out, “Ouch!” He pulled his hand back and shook it in pain.  
“Oh, sorry,” she apologized, her voice husky. “Not used to weak men.”  
This girl surely was rough.  
Merlin sighed, rubbing his still sore hand. “Sorry, for being weak,” he said sarcastically and looked at his mother from the corner of his eye.  
Hunith was following their ‘conversation’ with interest and had an expression on her face that Merlin really didn't like.  
“Er, I'm gonna go back to my work,” Maria said, nodding her head towards the bowl of water.  
Merlin merely nodded.  
He had to admit that he had seen bulky women that moved, dressed and even talked like men. But this girl was in a league of her own. Even though she not only dressed in men's clothing, had a rough tone and demeanour, she seemed to be just like any other girl; fragile underneath.  
That seemed to be the only thing Merlin could think of to connect her name to an angel instead of a hand-braking tomboy.  
*  
“Mother!” Merlin whispered, once he thought they far enough away from Maria so they wouldn’t be overheard. “Who the hell is this and what is going on?”  
Hunith smiled at her son fondly. “She is the daughter of an old friend of mine,” she explained. “Her parents were both sorcerers and killed a long time ago. Up until some months ago, she lived with her only living relative, her aunt. But poor Anna died due to a server illness. Now poor Maria is all alone. A few weeks ago she found a piece of parchment that told her about me. Thank god Corinne, her mother, taught her the basics of reading and writing. Maria finally found out where I lived and came to me for help.”  
Merlin was listening astonished, “She has nowhere else to go?”  
“Of course she could have kept living alone. But they were living in the woods where no one could find them.”  
“Do you mean she-” the young boy swallowed hard and looked at his mother seriously.  
“Yes, Merlin,” she said with a nod, “That's why I couldn't send her away.”  
Merlin nodded, “Good. She can live with you. I'm not here anymore so there should be enough space for the both of you.”  
“Merlin,” Hunith said, “There's more.”  
Somehow, Merlin had expected this. “What is it?” he asked with a sigh.  
“The parchment she found was a promise between her parents, myself and...” she paused and looked to the ground, then she added in a whisper “...your father”  
“What promise?” Deep down he already knew it, but it wasn't too late for hope.  
“When Maria was born, we promised if I ever gave birth to a boy, that he would marry Maria.”  
Merlin gulped, his hope just hopped off a cliff.  
“Thus, I want you two to marry. I know you don't know each other that well yet, but this will come with time. And you don't have to get married this instant, but take your time and you'll see. You’ll see she's a good girl and will make a splendid wife. Also, she knows about your secret as you know about hers. Whoever could give you this gift?”  
He stayed silent. She couldn't be serious.


	7. Decisions To Make

“Mother!” Merlin whispered. “Are you serious?”  
Hunith looked at him with a smile and said “Yes, I am. Why wouldn't I? It's not like you ever brought a girl home nor did anything to find yourself a suitable wife.”  
He sighed, “Mother, I don't want a wife.”  
“Maybe you think you’re too young to think about something like marriage and children. But, one day, you will look back and wonder where all the time went.”  
“I know, but I still don't want a wife,” Merlin insisted. “Even more, not someone you picked for me. I want to be with someone I love.”  
“I know.” She stroked Merlin's cheek, “And I wish you nothing more, but love can be found even through an arranged marriage.”  
Merlin groaned, “I will not marry her.”  
He looked over to the girl washing potatoes in a bowl of water. It was not like he didn't like her, he just didn't know her; he didn’t even know what she was like. But something inside his chest was hurting at the mere thought of marrying her and leaving Camelot one day; abandoning Arthur's side, leaving the prince unprotected.  
“I can't marry anyone,” he told his mother finally. She looked at him confused. “I can't leave Arthur.” Hunith started to say something, but, instead, she stayed silent with a smile. “He needs my help. Who's going to look after him when I'm not there?”  
Merlin's mother sighed, “I know, Merlin. And I thought about this, too.”  
“You did?” he asked, looking at her in disbelief.  
“Yes, my son.” She smiled, “Maria has never seen anything else than the forests and small villages. I want you to take her to Camelot with you. I wrote Gaius a letter, he agreed on it.”  
Merlin's eyes widened, “He DID know what you were up to. He LIED to me!”  
At his sudden outburst, Maria stopped scrubbing and turned to look at the two. She then took a towel and dried her hands before walking towards Merlin, a broad smile on the lips. “I can't wait to see Camelot. Hunith told me how beautiful it is, with all its towers and flags.”  
Merlin sent his mother an angry look.  
“When will we leave?” the girl with bright blue eyes asked.  
“Tomorrow,” Hunith said before Merlin could answer.  
Maria clapped her hands together, “I'm so excited!”  
The boy just stood there, his arms crossed, eyeing his mother with a displeased look.


	8. Decisions To Make 2

Hunith was smiling at Maria as she patted her shoulder, which looked odd because she was taller than Merlin’s mother. Looking at her that close, she probably was Arthur's height and a smile curled around his lips.  
“So…” Maria broke the silence, “Are we going to pack?”  
Merlin's smile dropped and he glanced at her, but his mother raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeah,” he nodded, displeased.  
The girl gave Merlin a slap on the shoulder, which caught him by surprise and he lost his balance for a moment. Then she whirled around and left him and his mother standing there. “This is a joke, right?” Merlin said without facing Hunith.  
“Please, Merlin. Be nice.”  
He finally turned to look at her, “I can try, but you can't make me marry her.”  
“And I won't. But who says that you won't fall for each other? She already seems to like you.”  
“Why, thank you. First of all, I don't know anything about her. Secondly, she's almost as tall as me. And thirdly, her strength is almost as frightening as Arthur's.”  
Hunith smiled at him. “I know she's not Arthur, Merlin. But you can't always live only for him. One day he's going to get a wife and have children of his own.”  
Merlin looked at her in shock, “What…what does this has to do with Arthur?” She gave him a knowing smile and went to help Maria. “Really…This has nothing to do with Arthur!” He ran his right hand through his raven hair. “Absolutely nothing…”

*  
The next day came faster than Merlin would have liked. He had tried to avoid the strange girl called Maria as much as he could, but, in the end, she kept following him around and being nosy.  
She kept asking about Camelot, about his life up till now, and about his magic when no one else was around. Merlin had to admit he rather liked the idea to have someone else than Gaius to talk to about his gift, but still he wouldn't want to marry her.  
And, after they had a playful fight on the fields in the morning, he was sure he would never marry her. Girls had to be small and cute and soft and, most of all, weaker than a guy.  
He was relieved when they finally set off to ride back to Camelot. From the money she had left from her parents and her aunt, Maria wasn't actually the poor girl Hunith had tried to make him believe she was. She even owned a black and beautiful (but very dumb and sluggish) horse.  
“I'm really excited, Merlin,” she told him over and over again and kept asking if they were there yet.  
After the tenth time telling her “No, we are not,” he stopped reacting to her babbling all together and let his thoughts drift back to the conversation he had had the day before with his mother.  
Of course she was right. One day Arthur would be married and have children, but he would also be king and need his protection. Gwen would make a kind queen, if they stayed together. Then Merlin would protect their family. But, somehow he didn't want to think any further in this direction.  
It was strange even to him, that when he found himself thinking about Gwen and Arthur standing in front of their thrones, he got the feeling of emptiness and his stomach tightened. As if a voice was telling him that once it happened, he'd be left all alone.


	9. Coming Home

It was strange. When they passed the high gates of Camelot, seeing the red flags blowing in the wind and the busy townspeople rushing around doing their work, Merlin let a relieved sigh slip from his mouth and he felt his shoulders loosen up.  
They dismounted from their horses and made their way to the stables. Maria was following behind him looking curiously around. Her blue eyes were sparkling from seeing all the new things, and kept stopping at some stalls over and over again.  
He didn't bother waiting for her and brought both their horses to their respective places.  
Once he had unsaddled, cleaned and fed them he turned to leave the stables again, but had to stop when he found himself facing Arthur.  
“That was fast,” the prince said, looking rather surprised.  
Merlin grinned, “YOU wanted me to come back as fast as possible since you can't stand being alone. You’d probably be walking around naked if I wasn't here.” A warm feeling was spreading through his whole body and he felt content. He knew he was home.  
Arthur snorted, the shocked expression disappearing, “I see you didn't change a bit since you left, Merlin.”  
“Why should I?” He paused and his eyes wandered to the open doors of the stable. It had been some time since he had left Maria and she didn't know anything about Camelot. If something were to happen to her, it would be his fault.  
Arthur eyed him suspiciously, “Is something wrong?”   
Merlin hung his head and stayed quiet.   
“What? Is your mother alright?”, he asked with a concerned tone and took a step towards the other boy.  
“No, she's fine. It's nothing.”  
“No?” Arthur looked at him in disbelief. “You don't look like it's nothing.”  
“Well-” Merlin began, but was suddenly interrupted by a high pitched scream that came from the front of the stables which was followed by a loud crash and angry shouts.  
Both men turned around and ran out to see what had happened.  
Arthur was the first one at the scene and Merlin could only shout a short “Arthur – DON'T!” but it was too late. The prince's fist flew right into the face of a drunken man, who had ripped the dress of a young blond girl, holding her arms in front of her chest.  
“You bastard!” Arthur yelled at the man and wanted to hit him again, but failed to do so because Merlin was holding his arm back.  
“That's enough, Arthur. He's had enough already.”  
The prince met his servant's eyes and let go of the man. “Someone get the guards,” he ordered. “He'll be punished for what he's done.”   
A maid nodded and ran off to do as the prince demanded. “Now…” Arthur said while eyeing Merlin, “Why did you stop me? You saw what he had done, right?”  
Merlin nodded, but then gestured with his head to the unconscious man on the ground. His dirty face showed signs of being beaten, but not where Arthur had hit him. Blood was trailing down from the top of his head where a dark red line was starting to appear more clearly. Only then did Arthur realize there were broken pieces of ceramic around the man and his eyes wandered to meet the ones of the girl. She stood there with grinding teeth ready to fight, knees bent, and her legs a little apart to keep her steady.  
Arthur sized her up.  
Merlin scratched his neck in embarrassment, “Maria, you did that to him, didn’t you?”  
She turned her attention to him, “Oh! Merlin! It's you!” She instantly relaxed and ran to his side, a big smile on her face.  
“You know her?” Arthur asked a little irritated.  
“Er…” Merlin stuttered and didn't meet his eyes. “Kind of, yeah.”  
Maria looked from Merlin to Arthur and back again. “He wanted to take my dress!” she exclaimed enraged and pointed at the man lying on the ground.  
“I don’t think he wanted your dress, Maria,” Merlin said softly. “But it’s a good thing you know how to protect yourself.” He patted her on the head, which must have looked ridiculous as she was almost as tall as him; but it made her smile.  
“You hit him with a flower vase?” Arthur asked, suddenly stepping into their conversation.  
Maria hung her head, “Yes, I'm sorry…It might have hurt…A lot…” Arthur looked at her for a moment before he started chuckling.   
“Why is he laughing?”  
Merlin shrugged, staring at the prince, “Maybe he's impressed.” Maria grinned and watched the blond man curiously.


	10. Sharing Home

Maria nudged Merlin into the side. “Who is that?” she asked, leaning in so she could whisper it. Arthur had stopped laughing and was now talking to the guards who were pulling the drunken man from the ground.  
“That's Arthur,” Merlin said casually, whispering back.  
“Arthur,” she repeated the name quietly.  
Merlin turned his face to look at her; she was intensely staring at the blond man. “Do you fancy him?” he asked amused.  
She gave him a hurt smile, “No, Merlin. I only want to get to know your friends.”  
“You do?” He let his breath out and only realized then that he's been holding it since he asked her whether she liked him.  
Maria shrugged, “Isn't that what a fiancée is supposed to do?”  
“Who’s fiancée?” Arthur had gotten wind of their conversation and put his right arm over Merlin's shoulder while his left rested on the belt. He looked at the girl standing on his left now curiously.  
“Hello,” she greeted Arthur and her cheeks flushed a little. Merlin raised one eyebrow.  
“Hello, pretty,” Arthur grinned. “Now…who are you to my idiot manservant?”  
Maria tilted her head, “Excuse me?”  
“This is Maria,” Merlin intervened and shoved Arthur off his shoulder.  
“I'm Merlin's fi-” But before she got to finish her sentence, Merlin put his hand over her mouth and pushed her to the side leaving Arthur behind, simply telling him “We are going, she needs new clothes.”  
Arthur followed them with his eyes as they left, “Merlin, you idiot...”

*

While Arthur was heading back to the castle, Merlin brought Maria to the closest clothing stall. The girl was looking through all the dresses, but couldn't decide which one she should choose. Finally she asked Merlin. “What do you think about this one?” she asked, looking at him in anticipation.  
He didn't actually care so he just nodded in agreement. He was about to get his money-sack out when her eyes found another clothing stall and she ran over there. “This is pretty!” she shouted towards him and waited for Merlin to arrive.  
“You can't buy that!” he exclaimed. “It’s too expensive!”  
“It's not!” She pouted and fumbled at her belt, “I'll buy it! And this one too!” She held up another garment with at least two layers and a bright blue shiny fabric for the body.  
“I can't afford it,” Merlin admitted and was about to go away, when she put a golden coin on the table. “Where did you…”  
“I got that all from my aunt. She said I might need it someday.” She gave him a smile and the saleswoman looked at her in astonishment. She looked over and told her “I want those two dresses, this pair of shoes and this hair pin.”  
“You can…change into that here, if you would like to do that…my lady,” the saleswoman offered and pointed at a curtain in the back of her stall.  
“Yes, I'd love to!”  
Merlin sighed as she hurried to change into her new clothes.  
*  
When they went back to the castle every Knight, guard and person they passed stopped whatever they were doing to look at Maria. Merlin was so annoyed of it all that he didn't even greet Gaius when he came back to their chambers and shut himself into his room; he just left Maria with his mentor. Should he figure something out with this girl.


	11. The Truth

The next morning started earlier than Merlin would have wanted. Maria kept banging her fists on his door trying to wake him until he finally opened up. He eyed her with the most annoyed and sleep deprived expression he could manage.  
“Merlin!” Maria said excitedly. “I wanted to tell you that I went out and met this really nice girl and she told me she would show me around in town. Will you come too?”  
The boy looked at her, groaned unhappily and let his shoulders sink. “No, I can't. Have to attend to the prince.”  
“What? The PRINCE himself?”  
“Did Gaius tell you nothing about my job?”  
“No! He kept saying I should ask you yourself if I wanted to know something private.”  
Merlin flushed; the mere thought of him doing his job and attending Arthur as a private matter made his heart race a little.  
“It's not private, everybody knows about it,” he said, turning away trying to hide his embarrassment from her.  
“That must be a great honour.”  
He scoffed, “Yeah, right. Serving prince ‘arrogant, I'm too proud to show my feelings and you're an idiot Merlin’ is such an honour.”  
Maria tapped him on the shoulder, “Then you should probably leave and do your work, or he'll get angry and sack you.”  
Merlin turned to face her again. “He'll never sack me. I'm always late,” he said with a broad smile on his face. Then he shut the door so he could get changed.

*

When he came out again, Maria had already left. She must have gone off with her new friend. ‘Better this way than having her around all the time,’ Merlin thought to himself and didn't even bother about the question where she had spent the night before.

*

Arthur was already up when Merlin entered his chambers. “You're early this morning,” the prince said matter-of-factly.  
“I couldn't wait to see you again, sire,” Merlin answered mockingly and poured hot water into the washing bowl.  
“It didn't seem like that yesterday, though.”  
“What do you mean?” He looked up and found Arthur standing right behind him. The close proximity startled him so he took a step back.  
“You were in company of a girl and ran off with her instead of attending to me.”  
“Are you pouting?” Merlin asked half serious and smirked.  
Arthur gave him a slap on the head, “I'm not! Know your place, Merlin!”  
“That hurt,” Merlin complained and rubbed his head. “Why do you keep hitting me?”  
“I'm not hitting you, Merlin. This is for your own good and it's a token of my affection.” Arthur took off his shirt and threw it into Merlin's face - “Get this washed, it's sweaty” - then splashed water into his face.  
“Yes, sire,” Merlin said quietly, sniffing unconsciously at the fabric and caught himself staring at Arthur all the while he was cleaning his upper body.  
“Don't just stand there. Make yourself useful,” Arthur said finally breaking the silence. “And I know it's sweaty, you don't have to sniff it Merlin. Just get it cleaned.” The dark haired boy turned beet red.  
‘This is ridiculous,’ Merlin thought and shook his head; he hadn't been staring at Arthur's athletic body. But his racing heart proved him a liar.


	12. Misunderstandings

Once Merlin returned from the laundry rooms, he stopped abruptly when he saw Maria walking down the hallway dressed in the long bright blue dress she had bought the day before. The two layers of the fabric were dancing in the wind from her fast movements and the silver hair pin held her enormous amount of blond locks on the top of her head, loose curly strands hanging out, bouncing in the air.  
“Maria!” he called out to her.  
“Oh, Merlin,” she said smiling and turned to face him.  
“What are you doing here?”  
“Well, some servant sent for me,” she told him with sparkling eyes. “Said the king wanted to see me”  
“The king?” Merlin's eyes widened in shock, “Why would he want to see you of all people?”  
The girl shrugged, “I don’t know, but isn't this exciting?”  
He snorted, “It's not something to be happy about, Maria! He might think…he might know…did something happen today?”  
She gave him a confused look, “What are you talking about?”  
“Did you…by any chance…” He nodded at her, “You know.”  
“NO!” she exclaimed in disbelief. “I'd never. Do you think I'm stupid Merlin?”  
He shook his head, “Of course not. But why would the king want to see you, then?”  
“I have no idea, but if you're going to keep me here and him waiting I think you'll be the person in trouble and not me.” With that she moved around him and made her way to the great hall. Since when did she know her way around the castle?

*

When Merlin walked head down into Arthur's chambers his mind was still with Maria. He was genuinely worried about her well being and didn't even realize Arthur's presence in the room until he bumped into him.  
“Watch out, Merlin,” Arthur groaned in annoyance and gave him a slap on the head. “Where is your head today?”  
Merlin looked up at him, “No where.”  
“That's what it seems to me. Get a grip on yourself, will you?” The black haired boy nodded silently. “Merlin.”  
“Yes, Sire?”  
“Bed.” Merlin looked at him confused.   
“Now!” Arthur demanded, pointing at the sheets.  
“Excuse me?”  
“Go on!” the prince said. “What are you waiting for?”   
Merlin stared at him, his eyes widened. He felt his heart racing and his palms started to sweat.  
“Merlin!” Arthur glared at him. “Stop daydreaming and move!”  
The boy faced the ground and turned around. He staggered towards the bed and stopped when he had reached it. Then he looked back at Arthur, his cheeks burning up and he knew his whole face must have been red as the tomatoes the townspeople are used to throw at him.  
“Are you sick? Your whole face is red.” Concern was evident in Arthur's voice. He walked to his servant and put a hand on his forehead. “You're bloody hot, Merlin! Do you have a fever?”  
Merlin's heart skipped a beat due to the sudden touch. He quickly shook his head and brushed Arthur's hand off, “No, it's nothing. I'm fine.”  
“You don't look fine to me and you don't sound like it either.”  
“I told you, I'm alright,” Merlin said emphatically.  
“Are you sure?” Arthur's eyes fixed Merlin's and were full of worry. Merlin nodded and looked away. “Fine. Then do what you forgot to do this morning and make the bed already.” The prince waved at the mess of sheets on the bed and gave Merlin a soft shove to the back.  
“Make the bed?” Merlin whispered in sudden apprehension and didn't dare to look up at Arthur. He thought the prince could hear his fast heart beat echoing through the chambers like drums.  
It had been stupid of him. Where had his mind trailed off to? He shook his head as if he could expel any inappropriate thought that was still lingering.


	13. only the beginning

“Well, Merlin,” Arthur said later that day when Merlin came to his chambers with some laundry.  
“What?” the boy asked and started putting the clothes away.  
“I'm in the mood for a ride,” the prince said as he stretched his arms above his head. “Let's go hunting!”  
Merlin sighed, “Do we have to?”  
“Yes, of course we have to. That's what men do, Merlin. We hunt!”  
“I don't.”  
“Stop being such a girl, Merlin! Come on. Let's go out for a bit. I need some fresh air.”  
“I guess I have no other choice then,” the warlock said with a sigh.  
“You finally got it, Merlin.” Arthur grinned happily and put an arm around Merlin's shoulders, dragging the boy outside.

*

“I still don't get this whole hunting-for-fun thing,” Merlin complained when they entered the forest.  
“Why not?” Arthur was riding in front of him, but let himself slow down a little so Merlin could catch up.  
“Well, what's so good about it? If you don't want to eat the animals?”  
“Oh, we do eat them, Merlin.”  
“That's not what I meant.”  
“I know,” Arthur smirked, but then was serious. “You know, I’m the prince but I can't have some things. For example, I can't talk freely within the walls of the castle. There are always people around, listening to whatever I say or don't say.”   
Merlin looked at him.  
“I can't show weaknesses or emotions. I'm supposed to be the perfect knight, the perfect man... well, you know. Just perfect. But I'm not. I'm a person like everyone else.” Now he faced Merlin and met his eyes. “I'm no different than you.”  
Merlin looked at him astonished.  
“You know...” Arthur paused and turned to the front again.  
“What?”  
“You know what's going on with Gwen, don't you?” the prince asked looking into the distance.  
The young warlock didn't dare to answer. “I know you do. I know you talk about things like that.”  
A huge gap of silence fell between them as they rode through some bushes. They made their way over a flowery meadow in the middle of the woods, passed a river and followed a narrow path down a hill overgrown with huge firs.

“Things like what?” Merlin finally asked when he couldn't stand the silence anymore.  
“Like the whole Lancelot business,” Arthur said emphatically and made a face.  
Merlin snorted, “You make it sound like he were a disease.”  
“I-” the blond man began, but was interrupted by his servant.  
“I know you're jealous, but-”  
This time Merlin was interrupted, “I am NOT jealous!”  
“Of course you’re not,” the younger boy said with a smirk.  
“Merlin!” Arthur glared at him, “Whatever. I... can you tell me what you know?”   
Merlin looked at him in confusion.   
“I mean…Tell me what you know. Come on, tell me! Is it true? Are they together? Because, just so you know, I saw them in town and-” He stopped talking and grimaced.  
“I saw them too,” Merlin admitted bitterly and looked down onto his horse's neck.  
“You did…” Arthur repeated quietly. “So it’s true.”  
Merlin wasn't sure what to do now and tried to lighten the mood a little. “Hey, it's not like you’re alone! You'll always have me.”  
Arthur gave him a look and groaned. “Although you tend to behave like a girl, Merlin, I will have to remind you, that you are not a girl!”  
The black haired boy stared at the prince and for a second he felt his heart crumble, just a little.  
“Yeah,” he whispered and forced a smile, “But still.”  
“What?” Arthur grinned mockingly, “IF you WERE a girl, you would marry me?” Merlin's eyes widened in shock as his face became white.  
The prince laughed loudly.  
In sudden apprehension Merlin swallowed hard, he didn't dare face Arthur and suppressed the sudden urge to cry when he answered him, “Of course not. Who would want to marry you?”  
He earned a soft slap on the knee and still felt it tingle after the hand had gone.  
“Well, Gwen certainly doesn’t want to marry into the kingdom of Camelot anymore. Since Lancelot became a knight he’s rich, thus she doesn't need ME anymore, right?”  
They rode on and the thumping in Merlin's chest didn't want to stop.  
“I mean, she could have been queen! QUEEN, Merlin!”  
Why didn't it stop?  
“Imagine! A servant, of all people, becoming the most important woman in the whole kingdom. Don't you think this would prove something to the people?”  
Someone should make it stop!  
“Merlin? Are you listening?”  
It was too loud; Arthur could probably hear Merlin's heart beat now.  
“Hey!” Arthur yelled and gave him another slap on the knee.  
“What?” Merlin quickly turned towards the prince. “Er…yes, sire?”  
“Where was your mind trailing off to again?”  
“I'm sorry,” he apologized as he hung his head.  
The prince ignored this and went on asking him, “Don't you think a servant at my side on the throne would mean something to the people?”  
Merlin looked at him surprised. “Excuse me?”  
“Isn't it like something the people want? They know that they will be treated fair, don't you agree?”  
“Er…” the boy spluttered, “I don't think I'd make a good emperor.”  
Arthur looked at him funny, then he bent over to reach Merlin and gave him a quick slap on the head, “Don't be stupid, Merlin. I wasn’t talking about you.”  
“I know.” He forced a grin and rubbed his head, “And stop hitting me.”  
“But, thank you.”  
Merlin glanced over at the blond, “For what?”  
“For trying to cheer me up, idiot.” He gave his servant a broad smile and Merlin felt his face flush. “Well, I guess since Gwen is a servant and I am the future king of Camelot, we were never meant to be together in the first place,” Arthur added as they rode on.  
The young warlock watched him silently and an honest smile curled around his lips.  
Why did he feel happy about Arthur's misfortune in love?  
And why won't his heart stop pounding?


	14. Apprehension

Once they returned from their trip, Arthur headed straight to the great hall to see his father and Merlin went looking for Maria. He found her sitting at a table chatting with Gaius. “Hey,” he greeted and made his way to where they were seated.  
Maria turned to face him and flashed him a huge smile. There was something different about her, but Merlin couldn't make out what it was.  
“Can you see it?” she asked him full of expectation.  
Merlin tilted his head, “Er... your hair?”  
“Well, that too,” she said then pouted. “But you guessed that.”  
“I'm sorry. I'm not good at something like this.”  
She smiled, “It's alright. Gwen put makeup on me. She even made my hair look pretty and-”  
“Wait, your new friend is Gwen?” Merlin interrupted.  
“Yes, do you know her?”  
He nodded, “She is...” Maria eyed him curiously. “Another friend of mine,” he finished and flicked her nose.  
“Ouch!” she complained with a grin. “Aren't I pretty?”  
“Yes, you’re beautiful,” Merlin said smiling, actually meaning it.  
Even though she was as tall and as strong as Arthur and even had blonde hair similar to the prince, he couldn't blame her for becoming his fiancée because of their parents any longer. It had never been their choice to begin with.  
“He thinks I'm pretty,” Maria told Gaius happily and clapped her hands together.  
“Now, tell me what the king wanted.”  
“He gave me my own room,” she told Merlin, her eyes shining.  
“He did what!?!”  
“He said that a fine lady like me shouldn't be wandering around all alone and-”  
“Wait!” Merlin interrupted again and put his hand to his forehead. “There must be some misunderstanding. Did you do something to him?”  
“Of course not!” Maria exclaimed indignantly. “I would never use my powers for my own selfishness!” Gaius raised one eyebrow at Merlin.  
The boy snorted, “Fine, Then why would he do something like that?”  
“Maybe he likes me.”  
“Maria, he is the king of Camelot. Why would he pick someone ordinary like you?”  
“I am NOT ordinary!“ she returned emphatically. “AND I am the fiancée of his son's personal servant!”  
Merlin sighed, “That's actually not such a great honour you think it is.”  
“Well, I think it is. Therefore, I understand why the king would want me to have my own room in the castle. And Gwen will help me see my way around here too.”  
“He assigned Gwen to be your handmaid?”  
She looked at him irritated, “She's my friend.”  
“I know, but still...”  
“I just don't understand this whole castle and kingdom running business,” she admitted and hung her head sadly.  
Merlin patted her, “Don't worry. It's not as great as you think it is. It's all pretty normal and you get used to it very fast, as much as I hate to admit it...”

There was a long pause before Maria finally spoke up. “Merlin?” She looked up at him, “I know we’re supposed to marry, but do you have someone you love?”  
He looked at her in shock. Where did that come from? Why did she suddenly ask him something like that?  
“So, you do. I thought so. I heard how you talked to your mother about this arranged marriage and-”  
“No, Maria,” Merlin interrupted her, “It's not love...”  
“Are you sure?” Maria looked at him softly, “You look a little down and out.”  
“No, it's nothing. I had to listen to Arthur's love-problems all day, so I'm a little out of it... maybe”  
Her eyes widened, “Arthur? I want to see him again! Can we meet with him?”  
“Why? No, I...” Merlin spluttered and took a step back as Maria had jumped up from the table and was standing in front of him.  
“Why not?” She eyed him suspiciously.  
“That's because...” Merlin looked pleading to Gaius.  
His mentor nodded carefully, “He's gone out tending to his work, something you two should be doing, too.”  
“Yes, the prince will be waiting,” Merlin said hastily then ran to his room to change his clothes and refresh himself. He was still smelly from the ride and cleaning of the stables afterwards.  
“You’re right, Gaius,” Maria admitted with a smile and turned to leave. “Well, I'll see you later. And bring Arthur around. I'd like to properly introduce myself to him.”


	15. Apprehension Part 2

Merlin slowly walked towards Arthur's chambers with his head down and deep in thought. Since his conversation with Maria, Merlin had been thinking about what she and his mother had said to him.  
It was true that he’d never brought a girl home, but it hadn’t occurred to him to do so; he was sure he wasn't in love with anyone. It had been sometime since he had felt the longing for a girl at his side. Since Freya's death, he had avoided any kind of contact with something called love all together.  
And yet he was here, fretting over some hunch his mother and so-called “fiancée” had; whatever the hunch actually was. Merlin knew there was something, but he wasn't sure what it was yet. At least he wasn't ready to admit it.  
“Merlin!” someone shouted.  
Startled, the boy looked up to find the prince standing only some feet away from him. There was an annoyed expression on his face, which changed into a smug grin when Merlin mumbled an apology for being late.  
“What kept you this time?” Merlin didn't answer as he watched Arthur walk up to him. “Well?” The blond man raised one eyebrow in a demanding fashion, his arms crossed over his chest.  
“I…” he began, but fell silent again when his eyes met with Arthur's blue ones. He felt his face flush and his heart start racing.  
No, this wasn't right. This was so wrong. As wrong as something could be.  
“Merlin,” the prince growled and shoved him at the right shoulder to get his attention. “What's wrong with you lately?”  
“It's nothing,” Merlin murmured and quickly looked away.  
“Come on!” Arthur leaned forward and whispered into his servant’s ear, “Is it that embarrassing what I told you in the woods?”  
The young warlock jumped at the sudden brush of warm breath and took three steps backwards, shaking his head vehemently. “No, it's not... I mean... It was nothing... That is... you know.” He ran out of words and, in his panic, started to spluttered nonsense.  
“Really, Merlin. Sometimes I have no idea what you’re on about.” The other man sighed and reached out to clap the boy on the shoulder, “Come with me, will you?” Merlin nodded and followed the prince, his heart still beating heavily.  
As much as he hated to admit it, Merlin had begun to realize that he might have developed a hopeless love for the future king of Camelot.  
“Love…” Merlin muttered under his breath and felt his face blush again and his palms sweat.  
There was no other explanation he could come up with. He shook his head in disbelief and looked at Arthur's broad back as the prince was walking ahead of him through the castle.  
Yes, he was in love with Arthur. He loved his courage, his kindness and even his snobbish behaviour towards him. A bittersweet tingle went through his whole body as he watched Arthur from behind.  
However, the sudden realization that he could never have him, now that he knew what his feelings were, made his heart ache.  
He saw Arthur speed up and getting further away from Merlin. The gap between them became wider and soon Arthur would be too far away for Merlin to even hear his voice.  
The young boy speed up as well and fell into a quicker pace until he was running. He ran towards the prince and grabbed him by one shoulder then whirled him around. His eyes filled with upwelling tears he fought to hold back, lips tightly pressed to a thin line, ready to say something.  
Arthur looked at him startled, “What's wrong, Merlin?”  
Merlin only now realized his actions and immediately let go of the other, “I... I'm sorry”  
The blond tilted his head, “Are you sure you're alright?”  
The boy nodded, fumbling with the sleeves of his dark blue shirt.  
“Well then, let's keep on going. I planned to take a bath after the hunt, but somehow my idiot manservant was too lazy to prepare a bath. So I’ve decided to take a dip in the lake down the hill.”  
“Why do you need me for that, Sire?” Merlin asked him, heart racing wildly.  
“You’re even dirtier than I am, aren't you?” Merlin looked at him flabbergasted. “What's your problem? We've done this before, haven’t we?”  
“Actually, no... You’ve only washed your upper body before and...” Merlin stopped when he realized Arthur was eyeing him suspiciously.  
“So what? It was about time. Let's have some fun.” The prince smirked and pulled Merlin closer, putting an arm around the slender shoulders of the younger man.  
“But I-”  
“No buts, Merlin. I, as your prince, demand you go swimming with me!”  
Merlin turned his head to look away. He hoped Arthur hadn't seen his blush or felt how hot his body started to feel. He loved him…how could he go swimming with him?  
This was going to be torture.


	16. necessary introductions

“Merlin!” Arthur yelled at the boy still sitting on a tree trunk, his back turned towards the lake and the undressing prince. “Come on! What are you waiting for?!”  
“No, thanks,” Merlin yelled back, keeping his head down. “I don't feel like swimming.”  
“Oh, you’re such a girl!” the blond man snorted and threw his shirt at his servant. Once all of his clothes were removed, he slowly walked into the cold lake and inhaled loudly, “This is heaven.” He swam around in some circles, dipping his head under the water and shaking the droplets away once he resurfaced.  
When he noticed that his companion was still sitting at the same spot he had left him at least 10 minutes ago, Arthur growled in displeasure and swam to the shore. Cold water was dripping down his body and he smirked wide as he moved towards the black haired boy whose eyes were still busy fixing the ground.  
“Merlin!” Arthur said and held his head over Merlin's bent back.  
The boy jumped and shrieked at the sudden feel of icy water drops on his neck.  
“ARTHUR!” he yelled, leaping up and turned around quickly.  
The prince only laughed in response and gave the boy a shove on the shoulder. Then he grinned and shook his blond hair, making soft rain land on a staring Merlin.  
“And, now that you’re finally wet, Merlin, you can join me in swimming.”  
Merlin wasn't listening; he couldn't help but stare at Arthur's well built body and felt his heart racing again. His face became hot as a blush crept its way onto his cheeks and ears.  
“Merlin?” Arthur laid his hands on both his servant's shoulders and tilted his head, “Are you alright?”  
Startled, Merlin raised his head and found a wondering Arthur looking back. His eyes widened and he shoved the other man away.  
“Hey, there was no need to be rough,” Arthur complained and made a face. “I was only asking. You really are acting strange lately, Merlin.”  
“I am not,” Merlin said, trying to convince not only Arthur but himself as well.  
“Remember what I told you about lying, Merlin? You can’t do it!” The boy turned his face away from the naked prince standing in front of him. “Fine, whatever.” Arthur ran a hand through his wet hair.  
“I'm sorry,” Merlin whispered, “It's really nothing.”  
“Alright, if you say that it's nothing, then it is nothing.” With that said, he grabbed Merlin's left arm and dragged him towards the lake.  
“No, Arthur, wait... I-”  
But, before he could say anything else, the prince had pulled off his jacket and pushed him into the lake hard. Merlin landed with a grand splash head first, arms stretched forward in the water. Arthur laughed and ran back into the water, pulling Merlin to his legs.  
“Wasn't that fun?”  
“No, it wasn't,” Merlin groaned and shot Arthur a deathly glare.  
“Oh, come on!”  
The boy looked Arthur up and down, his face flushing and turned his eyes quickly away.  
“What?”  
This was not good; Merlin had to leave as soon as possible. He tried to get back to the shore, but was held back when Arthur's hand shot forward and gripped his wrist.  
“You’re not going anywhere. Not now that I have you here.” The prince smirked evilly and gave Merlin another shove, causing the boy to fall backwards into the water.  
The blond kept laughing and started to splash more water in his servant's direction. Merlin couldn't hold back anymore and started a counter attack. The two men ran into deeper water and started to splash each other.  
While they were playing around, Merlin couldn't help but watch Arthur. His blond wet hair shaking in the warm summer air, his golden skin gleaming in the sun standing high above in the blue sky and his even bluer eyes that met his own over and over again.  
Merlin felt as if his heart was beating out of his chest and he wished that this moment could last forever. He was living a dream until someone called out to him and he turned towards the shore to see a very familiar figure standing there waving at him.  
“Merlin!” the person called again.  
“Merlin, who is that?” Arthur growled and swam to the side of him.  
“Maria…” Merlin sighed and slowly made his way to his fiancée.  
“Did you swim with your clothes on?” she asked him aghast.  
He looked down at himself, soaking wet and leaving a trail of water where he walked, “It’s Arthur's fault.”  
She stood on her tiptoes to make herself taller and squinted her eyes, trying to see the man. “But he obviously does not swim with his clothes on.”  
“Yes, of course not. Just leave it, he pushed me into the water, alright?!”  
She giggled, “That's like you.”  
“It's not,” Merlin said and shoved her shoulder softly, like Arthur always did to him.  
The girl watched him curiously, “So, you went swimming with Arthur?”  
Merlin raised an eyebrow, “I did. Well, he made me. It's not like I wanted to-”  
“But you enjoyed it, didn't you?” She gave him a knowing look and twinkled.  
“What are you talking about?”  
Maria ignored him and waved at the prince. “Arthur!” she called out to him, “Would you like to join us?”  
The blond man in the water swam closer to the shore, but did not stand up. He grinned, “I'd love to. If you would be so kind and turn around so I can put some clothes on, my lady.”  
Some time (and one dressed Arthur) later, the three of them sat down on the grass and exchanged looks.  
“Well…” Arthur began, eying Maria curiously, “Who are you? I think I've seen you before.”  
She nodded and smiled, “Well, we have met. The day I arrived in Camelot, you punched the guy who wanted to steal my dress-”  
“That was you?” he asked surprised. “The girl who knocked the adulterer unconscious?”  
“Yes,” she gave him an embarrassed smile, “That's me.”  
Merlin watched them while he fumbled with the sleeve of his still wet shirt. Arthur was seated next to him and told him, “Stop doing that. It makes me nervous,” then he looked at him warily and added, “And take your shirt off. If you sit in wet clothes, you'll get yourself sick.”  
“No,” Merlin forced a smile. “Don't worry. Nothing will happen to me...”  
“I'm not worrying about you, but about your job. So, get it off!”  
“No!” Merlin repeated vigorously, “I won't.”  
“And I tell you to do it!”  
“No, Arthur!”  
Arthur smirked and grinned widely, “I know you and this girl are friends, but I'm sure she won't mind you taking off your shirt – I'm not asking you to remove your trousers, Merlin.”  
“I told you, I won't!”  
“Idiot!” Arthur gave him a slap on the head, then suddenly grabbed Merlin's shirt at the bottom and pulled it forcefully over Merlin's head.  
Maria gave a short giggle at this movement and hid her face in her hands.  
“See!” Merlin said, pointing at the blond girl, “Now she's embarrassed.”  
“She's not. She's just hiding her giggling, aren't you?”  
“It's just...” Maria flashed them both a huge grin, “You’re such good friends.”  
“We are?” Arthur eyed her suspiciously.  
Merlin looked at her and turned his face away, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He didn't want Arthur to see how skinny and pale his body was.  
“Whatever,” the prince said and gave his servant a slap on the back, which made Merlin's face flush. “You still need to tell me where you two know each other from.”  
Maria looked first at Merlin, then over to Arthur and back to the black haired boy.  
“I am Merlin's fiancée,” she finally said.  
Arthur's face went pale and he turned to face Merlin, “Is that... true?”  
The boy nodded, “Yes, but-”  
“Oh,” Arthur smiled at him, “Why didn't you tell me before, Merlin? Congratulations!”  
Merlin shut his mouth and turned his eyes away from Arthur, “Thank you…”


	17. Gwaine

“Why didn't you tell me?” Arthur asked once they were back at the castle and in his chambers.  
“I didn't think it would be of any interest to you,” Merlin replied while he fumbled with the sleeves of the red shirt he had changed into only moments ago.  
“Well, it is.”  
“Why?” The boy looked up at the other curiously.  
“I am to decide whether you can marry or not.”  
“You are?”  
“Yes, Merlin,” The prince put emphasis on the first syllable of his name like he often did, but this time Merlin felt there was something else.  
“Why?” He couldn’t’ help but hope, even though he knew that it must have been his imagination, his wishful thinking.  
“Because you’re my servant.”  
His heart sank as his shoulders fell. “Your servant,” he whispered trying to not sound crestfallen “Right…”  
Arthur looked at him confused.  
“And as I am just your servant, I will leave you to your duties and tend to mine by mucking out the stables.” He knew he shouldn't have stressed the word ‘just’ as much, but he did anyway – what’s done is done – and, after sending Arthur an angry glare that could have killed, Merlin left the room, slamming the door shut after himself.

*

On his way back from the stables (where he had spent the majority of his time in a foul mood, giving more death glares to anybody he saw), Merlin found Gwaine sitting on a bench. The other man looked as if he had been watching the black haired boy since he had entered the stables.  
He waved at his friend with a smile, “Come here, Merlin.”  
The warlock raised an eyebrow but walked over to the knight anyway. He let himself fall down next to the other man and put on a pouting face.  
“What did he do this time?” Gwaine wasn't looking at Merlin, just staring into the distance.  
For some time Merlin didn't answer, so the silence grew between them. They just sat next to each other, looking straight ahead into a nonexistent space.  
After three random servant boys had crossed their view, Merlin finally spoke up: “He called me his servant.”  
“Well, maybe because you are,” Gwaine offered and even though Merlin didn't look into his friend's face he knew he was grinning.  
“I know, but there was no need to say it like that.”  
“Like what?” Now the young knight was facing the boy, his expression serious.  
“Like...” Merlin drew a circle on the ground with his right foot, “I dunno…”  
“What exactly happened?”  
“Well, he asked me why I didn't tell him that I was engaged. And I asked him why he wanted to know that I have a fiancée and-”  
“Wait,” Gwaine interrupted confused. “You’re engaged?”  
Now Merlin turned to look at his friend, “Yeah, kind of…”  
“Kind of?”  
“It was my mother’s idea. I had no choice in the matter.”  
“Of course you didn't,” Gwaine said quietly and gave a little snort. “I knew that.”  
“It's obvious isn't it, anyway,” Merlin said with a sigh. “Whatever…why does Arthur make such a fuss about it? I don’t get it.”  
Gwaine leaned back and placed his arms on the backrest, “What do you think?”  
“How should I know?”  
“You know that it's etiquette that you, as the servant, can only marry once your lord has given his approval.”  
“So, it's true?”  
“Yes, Merlin. As much as I hate the rule, it can't be undone.”  
Merlin sighed again, “So I should have told Arthur.”  
“Probably, yes.”  
Once again it was silent between the two. Gwaine watched Merlin think as he sat bent-forward, his elbows placed on his knees and hands folded before him.  
“Then I'm the one who should apologize,” the black haired boy finally said.  
“Maybe, but don't rush it. He can use a little confusion.” Merlin chuckled and leant back, his shoulders brushing Gwaine's right arm lightly. “Don't get yourself worked up over that... princess.”  
Another giggle escaped Merlin's lips which he tried to hide behind his hands, “Oh, you should never say that to him.”  
“Actually, I already have.” Merlin stared at Gwaine in surprise. “He didn't have the time or the courage to argue with me on that.”  
Now Merlin burst into loud laughter.  
“Don't forget to breath, Merlin”, Gwaine warned him jokingly and moved his hand from the backrest onto Merlin's shoulder. He gave him a short squeeze and left his hand there.  
“Don't worry.” Merlin smiled at his friend, “Thank you, Gwaine.”  
“Hey, that's what friends are for.” The knight pulled Merlin closer and patted his dark hair.  
“Don't treat me like some kid.” The boy pouted and gave Gwaine a playful shove to the guts.  
“Oh, believe me, that is the last thing I would do.”  
Merlin looked up into brown eyes, which were watching him closely. He could feel Gwaine's breath on his nose. It tickled, but wasn't unpleasant.  
“Merlin!” An all too familiar voice was calling to him, surprise mixed with anger audible in the tone.  
“Sire,” Merlin spun around in his seat to see Arthur's pissed face.  
The blond man was standing about 40 feet away but was close enough to look intimidating, “Come here. Now!”  
“Y-yes,” Merlin tried to get up, but was held back by Gwaine's hand on his wrist. The knight’s smile had fallen the moment Arthur had appeared. He gave Merlin one last reassuring squeeze on the arm before letting his friend go.  
Once Merlin had reached Arthur, the prince grabbed him by his arm and dragged him back to his chambers.


	18. Friendship

“Arthur, let me go,” Merlin complained as he was pulled through the halls of the castle. “I can walk by myself.”  
“No, you would only run away again.”  
“I won't, now let me go.” Merlin winced as Arthur tightened his grip around his arm.  
“I said no. Now shut up.” Arthur pushed the door open and shut it loudly behind them.  
“Will you now let me go?” Merlin asked annoyed and tried to tug his arm away a little. “You're hurting me.” The prince quickly let go of his servant and took a step back from him. Merlin rubbed his pained arm, not daring to look at Arthur, “Actually I wanted to apologize about my behaviour before, but now…”  
“Um…you do?”  
“I did,” Merlin glared at him. “Not anymore. I don't expect you to have any reason for this.”  
“Er, I...no.” Arthur hung his head then turned his back to his servant. “I don't know. It's just...”  
“Just what?” Merlin asked when he paused.  
“Just now, what did you and Gwaine-” He paused and it seemed as if he was trying to find a suitable word, “Er…talk about?”  
Merlin stared at Arthur's back. Had he heard correctly? Or was he imagining things again. Could it be that Arthur was, even if only a bit - but that would be enough for Merlin - jealous?  
“Nothing,” he lied effectively.  
“Is that so?”  
“Why do you ask?” And he did it again, asking inappropriate questions that would only bring anger and poison to their already weird relationship.  
“Why do I have to have a reason for everything, Merlin?” Arthur moved to the window and made great gestures. “Is it so important for you to have everything explained?”  
“Well, yes, because that's what friends do, Arthur. They TALK. Even when they don't go on a HUNT!”  
At that, Arthur turned around and glared at Merlin with his lips parted as if he was about to say something. However, his face became soft and he ran his right hand through his hair, “You know, it seems to me as if everybody is keeping their secrets from me. Like no one cares anymore. First Morgana changes sides, then Gwen goes off to Lance and now you tell me you are engaged and will probably leave me in no time for some girl you never even talked to me about.”  
Merlin blinked.  
“I THOUGHT we were friends, Merlin, but to me it seems as if I'm the only one who thought that.”  
“No, Arthur”, Merlin took some steps closer to the prince. He wanted to grab him, to hug and embrace him, make him feel and see how loved he was. But he couldn't do that. They were friends. Just friends. Friends didn't do that, at least not when one of them was the future king of Camelot.  
Arthur looked at his servant and their eyes met. Merlin could stand the stare only a few seconds before he gave in and turned his eyes away.  
“See, you can't even look me straight in the eyes anymore,” the prince said as he hung his head once again.  
“No, Arthur, that's-” If Merlin took another step forward, he would be able to touch the other man if he stretched out his arm. He wanted to touch him, he wanted it so much, but was too afraid. So he just stood there, arms dangling helplessly at his side, a guilty expression on the face. “I'm just...”  
“What? Now it's my turn to ask questions, Merlin. Why can't you look me in the eyes? What are you hiding? No, let me correct that, what ELSE are you hiding from me?”  
“Arthur, that's mean…”  
“No, it's not. Because you know everything about me. And maybe you think I'm stupid to believe your little innocent act that you pull with Gwaine, but I know you! I know that there's a lot more to you.”  
Merlin stared at the blond man. The setting sun was coming through the window behind his back and gave him a golden aura. At the same time it dipped Arthur's front into a dark shadow.  
“You know there are things that even you can never know about, Arthur,” Merlin whispered and the prince clenched his teeth. “Not because I don't want to tell you or because someone else tells me not to tell you. But because I just can't tell you.”  
“Why not? What is the worst that could happen if you told me?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest as he waited for an answer.  
“That...” Merlin swallowed hard, not sure what to say.  
“Whatever you were going to say, I won't hate you and you won't know until you tell me.”  
Merlin’s eyes stung as tears started to well up, “Arthur, believe me. I can't. It's... not possible. And I really think we should lea-”  
“No, I won't leave it until you tell me the truth!”  
“Friends don't tell those kinds of things each other!” A lone tear rolled down Merlin's cheek.  
“Don't you tell Gwen everything? She's your friend, too!”  
The tears came stronger; he was comparing him to Gwen. It hurt so much, “NO! I've never told anybody! No one knows!” Arthur backed away finally realizing that Merlin was crying. “I'm going back to my room.” With that, Merlin left Arthur's chambers in a hurry.


	19. Lancelot

On his way back to his own room Merlin ran into Lancelot who was coming around the corner just then. “Oi, Merlin. Watch out,” the knight said, steadying him.  
“Sorry,” the boy whispered and tried to make his way around him.  
“Wait.” The other man grabbed his arm to stop him from getting away. “What's wrong, Merlin? Why are you crying?” The young warlock remained silent and looked at his friend, tears welling up again. Suddenly, he felt himself pulled into a hug and his friend started to caress his back in a soothing manner. “Hey, calm down, alright? Just tell me what happened.”  
Merlin shook his head, not wanting to explain his problems to the other man.  
“Come on, you can tell me anything. You know that.” He looked up at the knight with his hands clutching at the red fabric of Lancelot's tunic. “Is it about Arthur?”  
Merlin nodded slowly, remaining silent as he took a step back and wiped his tears.  
“What else…” the brunette man sighed, shaking his head slightly. “Tell me about it. What did he do now?”  
“He wanted me to tell him the truth,” Merlin answered quietly.  
“The truth?” Lancelot tilted his head, “THE truth?” Merlin just gave him a funny look. “You can't tell him that, you know.”  
“I know, but he doesn't.”  
“I don't expect him to kill you for that or anything like it,” the knight told him. “But, if you tell him he’ll get into a position where he’ll have to choose between you and the king, thus the kingdom. You can't tell him, you hear me? No matter what he tells you or how much he trusts you or you trust him.”  
Merlin stared at his friend confused, “I know all that, Lancelot. I never planned on telling him.”  
“Good, then. If you ever need someone to talk to about it, you can always come to me,” he said as he ruffled the hair of the shorter boy.  
“Thank you, but I don't think you could help me with that.”  
Lancelot raised an eyebrow, “When have I never offered my help?”  
“It's not what you think it's about.”  
“Now I'm confused…”  
Merlin shook his head, “Don't worry. It's nothing you need to get confused about.”  
“Enlighten me. Did I miss something just now?” he asked curiously. “I thought you had a fight with Arthur because of you know what.” He glanced around to make sure no one was listening in on their conversation.  
“No, it's about something else.” Merlin forced a smile, “But it doesn't matter.”  
“It does if it made you cry.” Lancelot looked at his friend in worry, “Come, let's go to my chambers and talk it through.”  
“Will Gwen be there?”  
“No, of course not. Why do you ask?”  
Merlin's eyes fixed his shoes, “Nothing…”  
“Alright, let's go.” With that said, he dragged the younger boy towards his room. All the getting dragged around started to get on Merlin's nerves, but he carried it off very well. Only an exhausted sigh escaped from his lips.  
When they finally sat themselves in chairs in Lancelot's chambers, Merlin turned his face away from the expectant look of his friend, fixing his shoes.  
“Tell me.”  
“I can't.”  
“Why not?” Lancelot bent a little forward, eyeing the black haired boy.  
“It's not something I can talk about.”  
“You can talk about magic with me, what could be worse?” Lancelot gave him a soft smile.  
Merlin finally looked up at him, “Yes, and I'm thankful for that. I don't have many people I can trust with my secret, but I have even less when it comes to...” He swallowed hard as he trailed off.  
“To? To what?”  
“It's just…” He hung his head in embarrassment, “I think I'm in love.”  
Lancelot sat up straight, “You are? So what's so bad about it?”  
“Everything,” Merlin growled.  
“Merlin, it can't be that bad, can it? Love is a wonderful thing,” Lancelot told him, smiling fondly at his friend.  
“Yeah, for you. You got your girl, even though a prince was your competition.”  
The knight looked at him startled, “What?”  
“Arthur knows, by the way. He found out about it when he saw you and Gwen meeting in town,” Merlin said matter-of-factly.  
“He…does…” Lancelot repeated quietly and dragged his hand through his hair. “Damn... is he mad?”  
Merlin lifted his head, “Actually…no. It was more like...as if he felt betrayed.”  
The older man nodded awkwardly, “I'm his knight after all.”  
“Yeah…”  
After a moment of silence between the two, Lancelot sighed and clapped his hands together, “Well, Merlin. We are here to talk about you, not me! Who is the lucky girl?”  
“There's no lucky girl, Lancelot,” Merlin snorted.  
“Come on, you’re a great man after all. I know the girls like you, why wouldn't she?”  
“I'm not you,” he laughed. “And even if I were, it wouldn't change anything.” He paused and fiddled with his sleeve.  
“What?”  
“I'd have to be more like Gwen if I wanted any attention of that sort,” Merlin whispered, his face flushing.  
“Why?” Lancelot raised an eyebrow, “Now you’re making me curious. Who is that girl we’re talking about, Merlin?”  
“I told you, there is no girl!”  
“Who is it? Do I know her?”  
“Yes, you do, but-” Merlin shut his mouth; it was too much. He couldn't keep quiet any longer. He had to tell someone and since Lancelot already kept one secret of his, why not a second one? It didn't matter anymore anyway.  
“It's Arthur!” he finally blurted out and regretted it the second he had said it. He felt his whole face burning up from embarrassment. Even his ears felt hot.  
Lancelot gave him a shocked look, then his expression softened and he nodded, “It figures.”  
The young sorcerer met his friend's eyes, “What?”  
“Why Arthur wouldn't come and beat the hell out of me, even though he knows I stole his girl,” Lancelot explained. “Why you're always complaining about him, but not in a way a servant, or even a friend, would. And why he always gets so agitated when you’re around.”  
Merlin stared at the knight, who smiled back at him.  
“Don't worry, Merlin. Your secret is safe with me. One more doesn't matter, right?” He laughed and walked over to his friend, gave him a reassuring clap on the shoulder and smiled. “And just so you know, it might feel bad to hide your relationship. But never forget he's the prince, he can't do anything else. It's not his fault.”   
Merlin blinked at him, “Relationship? What relationship?”  
“Well, yours and Arthur's. Haven’t you been listening at all?”  
“Have YOU been listening to me? Did I ever mention that he reciprocated my feelings?” Lancelot stayed silent. “He doesn't know. No one knows except you,” he moaned, putting his head in his hands.  
“Oh…” the knight stroked his chin thoughtfully.  
“Why would you even think he'd love me back?”  
“Have you ever looked at him properly, Merlin?” the knight replied. “The way he's looking at you, the way he's treating you – and I don't mean his teasing. He obviously does feel something for you, and, now that you told me about your feelings, the scales fell from my eyes.”  
Merlin looked up at him, blue eyes meeting brown, “You really think that? You think he likes me too?”  
Lancelot shrugged, “I wouldn't bet on it, but it pretty much seems to be that way. It would make so much sense.”  
“As much as I loved that to be the truth, nothing could ever become of us anyway,” Merlin said sadly.  
“You never know until you try,” was all his friend said in response.  
“Yeah, right. You've got experience in that department, don't you?” Merlin smirked.  
Lancelot gave his friend a playful shove to the shoulder, “At least you're smiling again, even if it's on my head.”  
Merlin grinned, thankful for a friend like him, “Thanks Lancelot.”


	20. Spilling the beans

He felt relieved after talking to Lancelot. Even though it still hurt, somehow it felt as if something big had been lifted from his shoulders and it made it easier to handle his feelings and situation.

Only a few days later he sat back in his bed, arms crossed behind his head. Merlin was lying in his room, thinking and smiling to himself, as he remembered Arthur's embarrassed face when he had found him cuddling his own pillow this morning. Unfortunately he couldn't enjoy the silence any longer, as Maria barged into his room, panting breathlessly, her face red from emotions Merlin couldn't quite get at that particular moment.  
“Maria?”, he said startled, jumping up.  
“Merlin!”, she exclaimed, back to the door, pressing it shut with her body, “Something...”  
He looked at her, raising an eyebrow.  
“Something...”, she repeated, trying to catch her breath.  
“Slowly”, he said smiling and stood up, “What happened?”  
“Thekingwantstohavedinnerwithme”, she told him, blushing.  
The servant boy was speechless. Maria looked at him through embarrassed eyes.  
“He did what?”  
She sunk to the floor, hands hiding her face, “What am I supposed to do?”  
Merlin sighed, “Well, I don't think you have any chance to get around this, do you?”  
The blond girl raised her head, not meeting her fiancées eyes.  
“But how did this happen?”  
“It was”, she paused and looked to the side, “an accident, I guess. He's been calling me Lady Maria all the time and since I've been wearing those fancy dresses he probably mistook me for some royal person this whole time, remember the first day when he made me get my own room in the castle, instead of letting me reside with you”  
She was shaking, though Merlin wondered if it was because of anxiety or excitement. Had she been planning to seduce the king from the very start? Could it be possible that all this was some sort of fraud? “What are you thinking?”  
“What?”, she looked at him confused.  
“Do you think I wouldn't get what you are trying to do? There's no way you will ever become queen. You were planning this the whole time, weren't you?”  
Her face fell. “No”, she said hurt, “Never! Why would I wanna be queen? Why would I wanna MARRY the king? He could be my father!”  
“As if that mattered. You've been plotting this ever since you came to my mother's town. You KNEW I was the servant of the prince and thought I'd be the perfect ally, since I have magic as much as you do and you could use that knowledge against me, if worse came to worse”  
“NO!”, she jumped up.  
“You are just like all these other witches, trying to bring Camelot down!”  
“NO!”, she yelled, eyes tearing up.  
“All you wanted to be was the new empress of this country!”  
Maria slapped him in the face, which came so unexpected that he stumbled backwards a little, holding his cheek.  
“I've never planned any of it! I just wanted a family. When I found out about your mother and that I was promised to you, I felt so happy. I've been living in the woods for years, away from everything. I didn't know anything else than trees and rocks. I didn't know how a girl was supposed to act like, what it feels to be loved and be in love. I've never been in love, Merlin. I'm not as lucky as you, to have a mother who sends you to an old friend to make you learn more about your powers. I'm not as lucky as you to have friends who care for you without questioning your every move. I'm not so lucky to have someone like Arthur by my side, like you do”  
Merlin stared at her flabbergasted.  
“Believe me, Merlin. I never would have come here, if I had known that something like this could ever happen. It's like a dream coming true. Yes, he's older than me and could be my father, but he adores me. Ever since I came to your mother, I've never felt this wanted and felt this loved before”  
“Is this the truth?”  
“Yes, you have to believe me Merlin. I don't wanna hurt anyone. Living in the woods, being kept away from the outside world, I learned that I could never use my powers outside”  
The boy sighed, bit on his lips and nodded, “Alright. I'm gonna trust you, for now. But if I find out that you did something, I'll-”  
“I didn't do anything”, she repeated and took his both hands into hers, “You can trust me”  
He looked away, “Don't you ever make me regret this”

*

Merlin stepped into Arthur's chambers, placing the tray with food he had brought back from the kitchen on the table, looking around. The prince lay, back to the ceiling, on his bed, taking a nap. His right arm was dangling to the floor, his fingers almost touching the ground.  
The servant boy smiled to himself and slowly walked over. Since Arthur had demanded him to tell the truth, they hadn't have talked about it again. The blonde man had been wise enough to leave the matter alone and they both pretended as if it didn't even exist. Up until now they had successfully ignored it.   
He stood at one side of the bed, looking down at the handsome features of the one man he loved so dearly, breathing slowly. A sad sigh escaped his lips and he was about to turn away when he heard his prince mumble something unintelligible. He looked at his sleeping face, raising one eyebrow as more murmurs left his mouth, this time recognizable, “Merlin”, the prince groaned, twitching his brows, but not waking up.  
Merlin flushed and felt his heart beat racing.  
“...me... wanna... don't lie”, Arthur went on mumbling.  
Did he know he was there and wanted to make him talk again by any chance? Merlin shook his head, that was impossible. He looked at the blonde again, but then again, why would he dream of him? Arthur mumbled some more lines, Merlin's name left his mouth at least four times more.  
The young sorcerer bent down, brought his face closer to the prince's and stared. His breath touched the cheeks of the other man, who inhaled deeply, but didn't wake up.   
He was asleep. Merlin was certain now. Without a second thought he placed a tender kiss to the corner of Arthur's mouth and then smiled at him gently.   
“Merlin?”, suddenly a very familiar voice asked from the hall way.  
The boy's eyes widened in shock, he didn't dare to face the girl standing at the open door. Why had he forgotten to shut it? He swore in his mind. What an idiot he was, Arthur was apparently right about that.   
“What are you doing?”, Gwen asked quietly, walking in, closing the door carefully.  
“Nothing”, Merlin said, trying to act confident. He slowly turned around to flash her a forced smile.  
She eyed him suspiciously, “Don't even try lying to me”  
“I'm not”, he walked back to the table and pointed at the tray, “I just brought Arthur's food”  
“Then why is he still asleep?”  
He didn't know what to say anymore. Gwen had seen him, that was for sure.  
“Gwen, look”  
“Merlin. I'm not judging you. I'm just worried”  
“I'm sorry”, he hung his head.  
“I told you, I'm not judging you”, she walked closer to her friend, touching the boy's shoulder softly, “I'm happy for you?”  
He squinted, “What are you implying?”  
Gwen looked over at Arthur's sleeping body, “You know, you should be more careful. What if someone sees you”  
His smile vanished from his lips, “I'm sorry”  
“Don't apologize. You can be happy it was me who walked by, and not someone else or the king”  
He looked at her questioning.  
“I won't tell on you. Well, I guess the king would have my head too, if I was the one to spill the beans”, she gave him a soft smile, “Just be careful, alright? For Arthur as well”  
Merlin nodded, “I won't do it again, I'm sorry. It was a reflex, I didn't mean to”  
“It's alright, you can do whatever you want. Just make sure no one sees you”, she gave him a soft squeeze to his arm and left the chambers.  
“Whatever I want?”, the boy mumbled to himself, after the door had been shut, “As if. Too risky, Arthur might find out after all”  
He suddenly heard a ruffle of fabrics and movement from the bed, turned around just to find Arthur staring at him, “Find out what, Merlin?”


	21. revelations

“Nothing”, Merlin answered, maybe a little too hasty.  
“Are you sure?”, the prince threw his blanket to the side and put his feet on the ground, never taking his eyes off his servant.  
“Yes, sire, nothing for you to worry about”, the younger man said, turning around, facing the door.  
“Merlin!”, Arthur called out to him, “Wait, I'm not finished. I'm not letting this go this time”  
Merlin flinched and sighed, “What?”  
“Look at me”  
The boy shifted and looked over his shoulder, staring into space behind Arthur.  
“Merlin, properly. What was this about? Surely, Gwen knows, why can't you tell me”  
“I can't tell you, I'm sorry”  
“That's not good enough any more, Merlin”, Arthur took some steps closer, hands crossed in front of his chest, “I order you to tell me the truth”  
Merlin looked back at the door, “That's not possible”  
“Why? It seems to me, you trust anybody regarding this matter but me!”  
“Because it's you!”, Merlin exclaimed.  
“What do you mean?”  
Merlin swallowed hard, “I can't tell you, because you are the prince and-”  
“But we are... friends, I thought you knew that”, Arthur said quietly.  
“Yeah, and I don't want to destroy this friendship”  
“Just tell me, I hate this!”, his voice was full of hurt and he was almost yelling at Merlin, “look at me! Merlin!”  
The young sorcerer turned around, slowly, finally looking directly at Arthur, who stared at him, through knitted eyebrows.  
“Well? I'm waiting”  
“I-”, he shut his mouth, there was no way he could tell him.  
He hung his head, “I'm sorry, I really can't”  
Suddenly, Arthur stormed towards his servant, grabbed him by his shoulders and pushed him straight into the closest wall. Merlin coughed and looked at his master in shock.  
“Tell me, Merlin”, the prince demanded angrily, his eyes fixed to Merlin's, “Now!”  
“I'm sor-”  
The blond man banged his fist into the wall right next to Merlin's face, “I won't repeat myself” Something wet was shimmering in the corner of his eyes, tears of anger and frustration and hurt shining through, “I HATE this, DON'T you TRUST ME?”  
Merlin swallowed hard, “I DO, Arthur, I trust you way too much for my own good”  
“You do? I can't see that, or you won't keep secrets from me”, he let go of his servant and took a step back, turning around.  
“I-”, Merlin was speechless, Arthur was right. Even though he loved him and he respected him as a friend and the future king of Camelot, he'd never dared to tell him his darkest secret.  
“You never tell me anything about yourself, I get the feeling you know everything about me but I know nothing about you”, Arthur ran his hand through his hair.  
“I have magic”, Merlin said, plainly, shocked at his own words, he closed his mouth the very instant again, holding his breath, “I mean, I-”  
“What?”, Arthur froze, “come again?”  
“No, I didn't say anything-”  
Arthur whirled around, “Are you serious?”  
Merlin couldn't read the prince's expression.   
“Merlin!”  
The boy shuffled backwards, as Arthur advanced towards him, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Arthur, I-”  
“Is it true?”, he stared at his friend, “Is it that what you were hiding from me? Does Gwen know?”  
Merlin stared back, shaking his head vigorously, “No, no one knows. I told no one, please Arthur, I'd never hurt you or anyone in this kingdom-”  
“Shut up”, Arthur yelled, “You lied to me about something like that!? How can I be sure you don't intend to take over Camelot just like everyone else with magic? Who knows what you did all this time!?”  
“Nothing, I only wanted to protect you!”, Merlin shouted back, desperate.  
It had been stupid of him to reveal this secret of all and so suddenly on top of it, how could he have been so foolish to believe that Arthur would accept him, a tear made its way down his cheek, “You have to believe m-”  
“Quiet!”, the prince screamed, “You betrayed me, Merlin! YOU, of ALL people!”  
“I never betrayed you, Arthur! All I wanted was to help you become the king you are supposed to be!”  
“Oh? Were you?”  
“And I still do! I'd do anything for you!”  
“Anything?”, Arthur asked seriously, his eyes fixed on Merlin's.  
“Anything”, Merlin repeated.  
“Even kill yourself?”  
Merlin gasped at his words, then he swallowed hard, tears falling from his eyes, “If it's that what you want”  
Arthur clenched his teeth, still eyeing his servant.  
“I'm willing to die for you more than once”, Merlin said quietly, looking straight back at his master.  
The prince bit his lips, shook his head in frustration and ran towards the boy, pulling him into a tight embrace.  
Merlin's eyes widened in shock. He didn't dare to speak.  
“God, even now that I know”, he growled into Merlin's neck, “I can't hate you”  
The boy blushed and felt his heart racing, “I- I told you, I'd never hurt you”  
“Why?”  
Merlin swallowed hard, he could feel Arthur's warm breath on his skin, his body was pressed close to his own and sent tingles all over his body. This wasn't the right moment to feel happy about being in Arthur's arms, “Why should I?”  
Arthur dug his fingers into Merlin's back, then he pushed him away again.  
“Well... you better go, my father wants to see me about some urgent matter. I need to dress... today I'd like to do that alone”  
Merlin looked at the prince worried.  
“I won't tell on you. You should know that by now”, he gave him a soft smile, “but don't do anything reckless, I'll be watching you, Merlin”  
The boy sighed in relief, “Yes... thank you, Arthur”  
The prince looked at him once more, then Merlin left the chambers.


	22. proposals

“You told him?”, Lancelot's eyes were widened and he stared at his friend in pure shock.  
Merlin nodded, forcing a smile, “He was pushing me, I had no other choice. I had to tell him”  
“Still... you – how could you be so foolish? He could have killed you”, the knight exclaimed.  
“But he didn't”, the servant boy said and folded his hands, “And do you really think he's the kind of person who'd betray his friends so easily?”  
Lancelot swallowed hard, “Actually... no, but this is something completely different, don't you agree?”  
“How?”  
“It's MAGIC! Come on, Merlin! Don't play dumb. It's forbidden and if the king knew he'd let you get killed and maybe even throw Arthur out of his own kingdom, now that the prince knows”  
Merlin looked at him flabbergasted, “What do you mean?”  
“Merlin, you made Arthur choose between you and his father!”  
The dark haired boy stood silent, “Did I?”  
“Yes, the second you told Arthur, you made him choose either to betray you or his father, who's the king, who's Camelot!”  
Merlin gulped. Of course he had thought about that, but it had never occurred to him, that it really was this bad, “The king doesn't know”  
Lancelot nodded carefully, “Of course he doesn't. Arthur couldn't tell him. You pulled him into your biggest secret, making him keep it as well”  
“Do you think he hates me for that?”  
Lancelot smiled sighing, “Of course not, or he would have sent you away, far away from the kingdom or... killed you right away”  
Merlin swallowed hard.  
“But he didn't, still, you have to be careful – more than ever”, Lancelot said.  
“I know”, Merlin nodded and sighed, “I know, Lancelot”  
A sudden knock on the door interrupted their conversation.  
“Yes?”; Lancelot said and got up from his chair, walking to the door and opening it, “Prince Arthur, what a surprise”  
Merlin's head shot up as Arthur stepped inside, “Father wants all the knights in the Great Hall – can you plea-” he stopped seeing Merlin, “What are you doing here?”  
“Nothing”, the boy answered jumping up and trying to make his way around the other men, “And I gotta go”  
“Wait a second, Merlin”, Arthur grabbed him by his arm and pulled him back again, “Why are you here?”  
“Do you need to know everything?”, Merlin complained and bit his lower lip the instant the words had left his mouth.  
“You know, that now is not the right time to talk back to me like that, you know that, don't you, MERlin!?”, the prince stared at his servant with a meaningful look. It was obvious what he meant and even Lancelot could see it.  
“I'm sorry, for keeping Merlin here. We were just discussing some matters of very low importance”  
“Did you?”, Arthur raised an eyebrow.  
Merlin nodded and looked at Lancelot for help.  
“You know, erm... manly things – things friends talk about, like”, he thought a second and quickly added “girls”  
Arthur's voice rose an octave, “Girls?” then he looked at Merlin, “Merlin and a girl? I know he's got this weird fiancée but he most definitely has no idea what it's like to be with a girl”  
Merlin gulped and if his face blushed just a little, it was probably due to the freshly lit fireplace in Lancelot's chambers, “How would you know that?”  
The prince let his servant's arm go, “Well, for instance, you've got a fiancée but never mentioned her once, secondly she's really beautiful but you never tell me anything about her and you don't seem the least bit attracted to her”   
“Obviously”, Merlin murmured, “Why would I, when I don't love her”  
Arthur looked at Lancelot, “See what I mean, he thinks that love is all that matters, though he never has experienced it before”, he looked at his dark haired friend again, “Do you even know when you are in love, MERlin?”  
He was mocking him again, and how a conversation about his magic had become one about his love life, he couldn't quite figure out. “I know what love is like”, he said quielty.  
“Oh, he thinks what love is like”, Arthur repeated mockingly, nodding at Lancelot, who rewarded him only with a forced smile and chuckle.  
“Yeah, it hurts. It's the worst and most amazing feeling at once, one minute all you want is to be with the person you love and the next all you want is run, run as fast and far as you can until you won't have to deal with them any more”, Merlin stared right into Arthur's eyes, “Believe me, I know what love is like”  
Arthur just looked at him with a surprised expression.  
“Didn't you have to gather the knights?”, Merlin said suddenly, breaking the awkward silence that hung in the air.  
“Yes, oh, yeah”, Arthur stuttered and waved at Lancelot, “Gather them all, the King has got something to tell them, I'll meet you and the others in the Great Hall”  
Lancelot nodded, gave Merlin a quick supporting squeeze to the shoulder and left his chambers, leaving the two other men to talk.   
“Uhm”, Arthur began, “So you've been in love, huh?”, he scratched his neck.  
“Yeah”, Merlin said, a crooked smile on his lips, “Have been and still am”  
Arthur took a step back in shock, “You are?”  
Merlin was just as startled at Arthur's unexpected reaction, “Er, yeah. Why? Is that a problem?”  
“No... NO, of course not, why should it be?”, Arthur said still a little irritated, “So you do like her after all”  
Merlin cocked his head, “Who?”  
“The girl – your fiancée, this blonde tall manly woman?”, Arthur gestured widely.  
“Maria?”  
“Right, that was her name”  
“NO!”, Merlin exclaimed, “I've known her not even a month, how could I love her?”  
“Merlin, love has nothing to do with time, believe me, I know”  
Merlin stared at him, “Stop mocking me”  
“I'm not”  
“You are and I don't like it. And I don't like where this conversation is heading to, so I'll leave and you go attend your father's speech or whatever-”, Merlin turned on the spot and made his way to the door, but was held back by Arthur once more.  
“Wait.”, he grabbed his arm again, “Don't run away. Why can you talk about these things with Lancelot, but not me?”  
Merlin stared at him, shaking his head, “Because Lancelot doesn't make fun of me, Sire”  
Arthur let his arm go, “I'm not mocking you and... if I ever hurt you by doing that, you know I don't mean to, it's just how I express... myself”  
“Express yourself?”, Merlin repeated snorting, “Great, thanks”  
“Merlin, I've got to...” Arthur swallowed hard, coughed and put him a hand on the shoulder, “tell you something”  
Merlin's face flushed, he couldn't mean... No, that was impossible.   
“Since you just now said you do not love Maria”, Arthur said, “it's way easier to say this”  
The boy felt his heart racing and he was sure Arthur would be able to hear it if he were to listen closely, “Say what?”  
“You can't marry her, I cannot allow this”  
Merlin just stared at his friend, unable to speak.  
“Did you hear what I just said?”  
“Why?”  
Arthur sighed, “I am your lord and you will listen, no matter the reason”  
Maybe Merlin was imagining it, but he saw a soft pink blush creeping onto Arthur's cheeks.  
“Now, we've got to go to the Great Hall, my father's got to announce something rather important, even though I most certainly do not support this”  
Merlin followed the prince to the Great Hall, his mind still with their previous conversation.  
Was he jealous? Maybe he didn't realize it, but Arthur did not want to share Merlin? The boy shook his head, no that was impossible. He was probably seeing things. But was a little hope - just a tiny drop - too much to ask for?

Never before has the Great Hall seemed that crowded with people and never before had Merlin seen Arthur this nervous. He stood right behind the prince, not far from the king. The knights were stood around them and waited for Uther to speak. Arthur looked back at his servant several times and Merlin knew he still had something on his mind that wanted out. His expression changed from simply being nervous to a look that was almost apologizing. Merlin froze. Right after he had had left Arthur's chambers after their talk about his magic the prince had had a meeting with his father.  
Could this mean- was Arthur- would Merlin be- Merlin didn't even dare to end his thoughts and closed his eyes for a second, breathing in loudly, to calm himself down.  
Arthur looked at him once more and mouthed something that very much looked like 'I'm sorry'. The boy stared at his friend, his heart beating out of his chest and he turned on the spot, pushing his way through the crowd and out of the hall. He let himself fall into the wall in the hallway, heaving a sigh.  
Arthur came bursting through the door after him, “Why are you running away?”  
Merlin looked at him startled.  
“You come right back in. I told my father you won't mind”  
“Won't mind?”, the young sorcerer echoed, “Come on, anyone would mind”  
“Well, then I'm sorry, but he's the King, you'll have to live with that”  
Merlin snorted at that, “Huh, 'live'?”  
“Yeah, and I can tell you, you are way better off without her anyway”, Arthur tapped his index finger on Merlin's chest, “She's way too tall for a girl anyway and she's most likely even stronger than you”  
Merlin looked at him confused, “What are you talking about?”  
Arthur shared his irritated expression, “What were YOU talking about?”  
“My...”, he glanced around, making sure no one was listening, then he moved a little closer to Arthur and whispered: “magic?”  
Arthur laughed, “Your... no, Merlin. Did you think this whole thing”, he waved at the doors of the Great Hall, “was about YOU?”  
Merlin took a step back.  
“It's about my father planning on marrying your fiancée!”   
“WHAT?”, Merlin exclaimed.  
“You really are dense, aren't you, Merlin. I told you I wouldn't tell on you”, he gave him a soft smile and stroked Merlin a loose strand of hair out of his face.  
Merlin stared at him in shock at his sudden movement. Arthur quickly took his hand back, “I – erm, we better go inside. My father expects me to be there, when he tells everyone”  
“Uhm. Yeah”, Merlin felt his cheeks blush and his heart began to dance again.  
It was an accident, he told himself, nothing but an accident. He didn't mean anything by that gesture.


	23. honesty

The announcement was done faster than expected, the people cheered for the new couple, even though some exchanged sceptic looks. It wasn't an everyday occurrence that the king wanted to marry and now a girl so much younger his age, which wasn't actually that uncommon, but no one had ever seen or heard about this strange girl before. And the last time the king had decided to marry someone this person had turned out to be a troll. No, the people really weren't that keen about this situation but no one dared to utter any kind of disapproval.   
Maria just stood there smiling shyly at the crowd the whole time. Her hair was put up into a knot on her head, silver needles with tiny white roses, shimmering in the sunlight that came through the tall windows, were pinned into it. A loose flick of hair curled down next to her left ear and her white dress was long and sat tight around her waist. Her cleavage was quiet apparent since the dress pushed her bosom up and her slightly tanned skin glowed almost golden in the light.   
She most certainly was beautiful, Merlin had to admit and chuckled at the thought what the people would think if they knew that she had been engaged to him before.   
Arthur glanced back at his servant who was trying to hide a giggle. A smile spread across his own face. Merlin lifted his head and their eyes met. Arthur turned away quickly.

After everyone had congratulated the King and his future Queen of Camelot, Arthur was finally released to go back to his chambers. Merlin wanted to follow him, but was held back by the King himself.  
“You”, he said to Merlin and waved Maria to join them.  
“Ye... Yes, my Lord?!”, he was flustered and looked to the floor.  
“I don't know what my son told you but I appreciate that you – well”, he looked at the blonde girl, who was standing right next to him but still keeping a short distance, “backed out”  
Merlin nodded, “Yeah, of course”  
“I'm really sorry, Merlin”, Maria added with a quiet voice, “I should have told you sooner”  
He looked at her and smiled, “It's alright. I do understand. When you are in love you can't change it, right”  
She nodded blushing. Maybe she really did love the king, Merlin wondered and looked back to the ground.  
King Uther gave him a slap to the shoulder, which made Merlin stagger a second. “You are a good man, Merlin. I'm sure my son will find you a good wife”  
That said he took Maria by the hand and lead her out of the Great Hall, leaving a slightly irritated Merlin behind.   
The boy looked after them, as they left and he bit his bottom lip. As if he ever wanted that. He snorted and went with the back of his hand over his eyes.  
“Merlin?”, a very familiar voice called out to him, walking towards him.  
“Arthur”, Merlin said surprised, “Why are you here?”  
“You didn't go after me so I waited outside”, the prince said, looking his servant up and down, “It hurts you after all, doesn't it?”  
Merlin put on a straight face, “What? No...!?”   
But it did, so much he couldn't even tell anymore.   
“I'm really sorry, but I had no choice. I told you this already, didn't I? And if she loves him you can't change that, can you?”  
He stared back at him, “I don't care about Maria. I mean, not in that way at least. I don't love her. I told you”  
Arthur squeezed his shoulder, “You don't have to hide anything from me, Merlin. Not anymore”  
The dark haired boy's heart began to pound uncontrollably.  
“Uhm... I'm not”, the word 'hiding' wasn't really describing it anymore. He felt more and more as if he was super obvious about his true inner self and his more and more growing feelings for the prince.  
“You know, you can talk to me about this, if it helps you”, Arthur said quietly, looking away. He chewed on his bottom lip. Was he nervous?  
Merlin sighed and smiled at him, “Really, Arthur. I'm neither sad nor mad at you or anything like that because of Maria”  
He looked up at him, “Then... Why a r e you?”  
“Er”, the sorcerer took a step back, “Who says I am?”  
“You obviously have something on your mind, Merlin and if it's still your... you know this m-thing”, he swallowed hard, “I don't care about that, alright? Of course I can't accept it that easily but, I'll think about it and you've gotta wait a little until I actually can but you don't have to worry”  
“Erm, thanks”, Merlin said dumbfounded, “And again... I'm sorry for hiding it for so long”   
Arthur shook his head, “Let's not talk about this anymore, shall we?!”  
Merlin smiled “Yeah, alright”  
The blonde man shoved him slightly and grinned, “You still need to run me a bath, MERlin!”  
The boy nodded, blushing. He followed the prince out of the hall, hoping Arthur wouldn't realize his throbbing heart and flushed face. 

*

The next day, Merlin was sitting around on the training grounds, watching Arthur and the knights being busy. Gwaine came running over to him after an hour and let himself fall down in the grass next to Merlin.  
“God, it's hot today”, he complained and exhaled loudly, “Can you hand me some water please, Merlin?”  
The boy nodded grinning and filled a cup for his friend, passing it to him.   
“Thanks” He downed the drink in one go and handed the cup back to Merlin.  
“Hey, wanna go grab a drink tonight?”, he offered, glancing up at Merlin from the ground, his hands behind his head.  
“Yeah, sure, why not”, he agreed.  
Might be a good chance to leave my worries behind for some time at least, Merlin thought, looking into the distance where Arthur was currently fighting with Lancelot and looking into their direction.  
“Great”, Gwaine said and jumped to his feet, giving Merlin a soft shove to his chest.  
Lancelot hit Arthur with his wooden stick and threw him on the ground when he wasn't paying attention. Merlin squinted his eyes and ducked away a little, as if he had been the one who got hurt and not Arthur.   
“Where were you looking, Arthur?”, Gwaine shouted laughing and helped the prince up on his feet.  
Merlin couldn't make out Arthur's answer, but he got glared at, that was for sure.


	24. Thoughts and open hearts

In the evening Merlin brought Arthur his dinner to his chambers. He knocked on the door and let himself in, not waiting for an answer. The prince was already sitting at the table and looked at his servant expectantly.   
“There”, Merlin said, placing the tray in front of him and taking the lid of, “Can I go now?”  
Arthur eyed him confused, “Excuse me?”  
“Well, I asked if I could go now. You can eat alone, can't you?”  
“No?”, Arthur exclaimed, but quickly went to fake seriousness, “I mean, of course I can, but I don't want to and you're my servant, so you have to stay and s e r v e me!”  
Merlin groaned, “but Arthur-”  
“Where is that even coming from? You never ask for an earlier leave like that”, he took a bite from the bread.   
“Just let me go, please”, Merlin tried again.  
“No”, Arthur said munching and glared at him, “What's so important? Do you have plans?”  
Merlin stilled and looked away, “No?”  
“You DO!”, the blonde man said loudly and sat up straighter in his chair, “Is it a girl?”  
“No!”  
“I get it, you need some entertainment to get your mind off things, aren't I right?”  
Merlin stared at him, then fixed his shoes with his eyes, “Yeah, maybe”  
Arthur rose an eyebrow at that and waved at him, “It's fine. Go on. Have some fun” He winked at him and added, “But don't do anything reckless and be ready to be up tomorrow morning as always or I'll kick your lazy butt and... oh, Merlin” The boy was already at the door. “Don't... don't take just anyone... you know... you wouldn't want to make them feel like you do”   
Merlin's eyes widened and he watched Arthur's smile fading, becoming serious.  
“I... I have no idea what you're on about, but yes, I won't do anything stupid”  
Arthur chuckled at that, “I wouldn't bet on that though” Then he waved his friend away.

*

They met in front of the IRON MAIDEN, one of the older pubs in the lower town and usually cramped to the hilt in the later evenings when people after a long day of hard work normally went to sleep, but decided to have some fun instead. Tonight Merlin was one of them. He saw Gwaine leaning against the old stone wall on the outside of the small house, chatting to two young girls, who were obviously flirting with him the way they moved around him, giggled and threw their hair back more often than any girl did in a whole week.  
The knight was dressed leisurely in his grey shirt and dark trousers, which stuck in his dirty boots. He looked up from the girls and saw Merlin moving towards him, at which he raised his left arm and waved at his friend.  
“Hey!”, Merlin greeted back, after the other man had pulled him into a warm welcoming hug.  
“You really got off”, Gwaine said astound and ruffled Merlin's dark hair, “Would have guessed the princess would have thrown a tantrum or something for you leaving him”  
The girls giggled some more and watched the men expectantly.  
“Going in?”, Gwaine asked grinning and put an arm around the shoulders of his slender friend.  
“Yeah, sure”, Merlin agreed and followed him, one girl had grabbed his free arm and hooked herself into it and the other clung to Gwaine's.  
They all sat at a table in a hidden corner of the pub, ordered some beers and started talking. Merlin didn't mind the girl's tagging along and he didn't mind them sitting down with them and he didn't even mind them flirting with them, but when the blonde girl next to him suddenly put her hand on his thigh, moving it slowly down towards his knee he froze, got up too quickly, trying to move away from her and ended up falling onto Gwaine's lap, who laughed loudly. The girls giggled and took this as an indicator to intensify their flirting, which made Merlin even more uncomfortable until he couldn't stand it any longer and blurted out: “I'm already in love with someone!”  
They stared at him a little confused and irritated and exchanged questioning looks with Gwaine who shook his head and motioned them to leave them alone.  
“Are you alright, Merlin?”, Gwaine asked carefully, his arm over the backrest behind his friend.  
“No”, Merlin admitted, fiddling with the end of his sleeves, “but I'm sorry I ruined your … dates”  
the knight snorted, “Yeah, whatever. Who cares about them. They just started talking to me while I was waiting outside and I thought, maybe you'd like some company” He glanced down at the boy, “Apparently I was wrong and I'm sorry about that”  
“It's alright”, he reassured him and smiled, “you meant well”  
“Yeah”, Gwaine scratched his neck, “so, about what you just said. Is it true or-”  
“Yeah”, Merlin interrupted him in a quiet voice.  
“Who?”, the knight asked with a serious expression, his face only inches away from Merlin's.  
“Can't tell you”  
“Oh come on, don't make a secret out of it”, Gwaine leant back again, his hand brushing Merlin's shoulder. He sighed, “I know you had a fiancée but for whatever reason it didn't work out or what?”  
“Not Maria. She's-”, he paused and thought, no one was supposed to know she had previously been engaged to him, before she came to be the king's fiancée. “She was just a friend. No... I broke that off since I didn't feel anything” It wasn't a complete lie.  
“So? Who is it then?”, Gwaine asked again, trying for casual but he seemed a little too interested.  
“Doesn't matter, since it can never happen anyway”, Merlin forced a smile and stared at his beer, taking it between his hands.  
“Why?” Gwaine wouldn't give up.  
“Why? There's more than one reason actually”  
“Tell me”  
Merlin turned sideways, looking at him, “Talking about it makes it worse, you know”  
“No, Merlin”, Gwaine whispered, squeezing his shoulder, “It can actually help”  
The young warlock hung his head and snorted, “As if. You wouldn't take me seriously anyway”  
“Try me”, he placed one hand on Merlin's knee, staring into his eyes, “You can tell me anything, Merlin. I'd never make fun of you, not there where it hurts”  
Merlin swallowed hard and blushed, looking away, “A man can't love another man, can he?”  
Gwaine stilled, “You... you are in love with … a man?”  
“Yeah, disgusting right?”, Merlin laughed at himself.  
“No. NO, of course not! Look at me!”, the knight almost yelled and moved an inch closer, taking Merlin by the shoulders and forcing him to look at him, “Merlin. If there's love nothing else matters. Do you understand? And if you're afraid of... just that – something unimportant like that you'll live your life in misery. Sometimes you have to take a chance, even if it hurts”  
“Uhm”, Merlin was speechless, was Gwaine trying to help him here or just making a point? Why did he get the feeling that his friend was actually talking about himself?  
“There's always a chance, even if it's only a tiny little one, that your feelings might be reciprocated and you've got to grasp that piece of straw, hold onto it and never let it go!”  
“Gwaine, are you alright?”, Merlin asked carefully, bringing a hand up in a calming gesture, but Gwaine took his hand into his, bent down a little and kissed it.  
“I love you, Merlin”, he whispered, his breath and beard tickling Merlin's fingers.  
They boy flushed a deep red and backed away a little, “What?”  
“I... I love you”, he repeated, now looking up and staring right back at Merlin.  
“Uhm... I'm sorry, I-”  
“It's not me”, Gwaine said in bitter realization and let go of his friend's hands, “Sorry... I shouldn't have said anything”  
Merlin watched the other man sink into the bench, biting his lower lip, eyes fixed on the mug of beer in front of him on the table.  
“No, I am sorry... I can't return your feelings... I really am... sorry, Gwaine”, Merlin looked down. He knew how much it hurt to be rejected like that but he couldn't help it. Now it made sense what Arthur had said to him before. ... don't take just anyone... you wouldn't want to make them feel like you do Arthur was right. That would be too cruel. He could of course flee into Gwaine's arms since he couldn't be in Arthur's but he would only hurt him by doing so and to hurt a friend would be the last thing he wanted.  
“I'm sorry, Gwaine”, Merlin repeated, “I... better go now”   
“Yeah”, Gwaine said, not looking up.  
Merlin got up, paid his drink and left.


	25. Unknown jealousy

The next morning Merlin was up early, made himself ready and went down to the kitchens to get Arthur's breakfast. Once he was in front of the prince's chambers he straightened himself up and moved in quickly, shouting as usual “Rise and shine” and placed the tray on the table.  
Only when he turned around to look at Arthur's sleeping figure, he realised he wasn't sleeping any more and he wasn't alone either. A dark haired girl was staring at him with wide eyes and pulled one of the bedsheets around herself, while collecting her clothes from the floor.  
If Merlin had had anything in his hands, he'd have had dropped it.   
“God, Merlin”, Arthur groaned and threw a pillow at him, “Really, where are your manners. You're never this early and why can you never knock for god's sake?”  
The younger man looked to the ground, “Sorry, Sire” He bit his bottom lip and didn't move.  
“I'm sorry... I'll go now”, the girl said quickly, after she had dressed behind the screen. Her shoulder long black hair curled around her face and her skin was even paler than Merlin's, who was still standing there next to the table with his head down.  
“Yeah, go, bye”, Arthur said and waved her out.

The door closed and Arthur scratched his neck, running a hand through his hair then, “How long are you planning on standing around there, Merlin?”  
His servant didn't move, he was glued to the floor and his shoulders tense.  
“Merlin?”, Arthur threw the covers to the side and got up.  
He had only his sleeping pants on and moved across the room from his bed towards the other man, “Merlin, look at me!”  
However Merlin did not look up, neither did he move. He was frozen to the spot and tears were starting to well up in his eyes, slowly running down his hot cheeks.  
“Hey”, the blonde said and gave him a soft shove to the shoulder, that made Merlin flinch away, “What's wrong?”  
“Nothing”, he lied and turned away, but Arthur grabbed his arm and pulled him back to face him again, forcing him to look at him with his other hand.  
The prince saw the other's tears and quickly let go, confused and shocked, “What... why- why are you crying?”  
Merlin rubbed his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt, “I got something in my eyes, sorry... I'll leave. You can eat on your own anyways... I'll just...” With that he turned on the spot and fled the room, leaving an utterly irritated Arthur behind.

Gaius rose an eyebrow at him, when Merlin entered their chambers and stumbled towards his own room, slamming the door shut behind himself.  
“Merlin?”, the old physician asked through the door.  
“It's nothing”, Merlin answered quickly, propping himself up from the bed, “Please, don't ask”  
“Something must be wrong”, Gaius stated, not letting it slide, “Did something happen?”  
Merlin shook his head, even though he knew the old man couldn't see him, “No”  
“Don't lie to me”, Gaius slowly pushed the door open, watching the young man sympathetically.  
Merlin rubbed his eyes with his arm, not looking up.  
“Tell me”, he sat down at the end of the bed, “What happened”  
“Really, it's nothing. Please, just... leave it be”, Merlin sighed and tried to hide a sob.  
Gaius squeezed the boy's shoulder comfortingly and got up, “Alright, if you say so. But you know, you can always talk to me, about anything” He nodded at him, giving him a reassuring smile.  
“Yes, thank you, Gaius”, Merlin replied with a sad smile, “I know, but some things I have to put in order by myself”  
“It's alright”, the old man said and left him alone.  
“Shit”, Merlin sighed and buried his face in the pillow.  
He had no idea what Arthur would think after his sudden run. Merlin had literally fled his chambers and crying at that.

He didn't go to attend to Arthur that day until it was time he should have brought him his lunch. Thankfully, Gaius wasn't urging him to run to the prince.  
Only when the physician was indulged deeply into his studies and Merlin cleaning his room for a change, lost in thoughts, a strong knock to the door, followed by a rushed opening of the very same and an annoyed looking prince Arthur was stomping into their chambers.  
“Where's Merlin?”, he asked, his voice pissed.  
Gaius looked at him, “In his room, why? Is there a problem, Sire?”  
Arthur went passed him, “Yes, indeed” 

He opened the door to Merlin's room and found the younger man looking at him in shock. “Merlin!”, he shouted at him, “Where have you been? I was waiting for over two hours for my lunch!”  
Merlin eyed him and looked away, “Couldn't your little girlfriend bring it to you?” He didn't mean for it to come out that disrespectful.  
Arthur glared at him and if the anger in his eyes were any indication of how much he hated Merlin right now then Merlin didn't let on how much it got to him. His heart clenched.  
“Do you even know who you are talking to?”, Arthur asked, yelling now.  
Merlin flinched, for he could see how serious this time it was. Not just some bickering between them. Arthur really was pissed at him for no reason. Though it was Merlin who had all the reason to be angry at him or didn't he?  
“Y... yes”, he muttered and looked away. Of course he knew, but it wouldn't change anything about the fact how he felt about him or how he thought about him in general.  
“Really? Are you sure?”, Arthur asked again, still angry, “Because right now it seems to me, you don't”  
“No, Arthur-”, Merlin exclaimed, but before he could say anything else, Arthur interrupted him already.  
“See, exactly that. Do you even realize how you act around me anymore? You address me as if...”, he thought for a moment and spat out, “I was your friend, but Merlin, you are wrong. First of all I am your prince and you will listen to what I say”  
He had taken a few steps closer and was getting way too close for Merlin's taste and invaded his space, glaring into his eyes.  
Merlin held his breath, staring back into those blue eyes, now filled with something dark and furious. Just why was he so mad at him. What had happened, that pissed him off that much?  
It couldn't be about the lunch, could it? It wasn't the first time after all that Merlin had missed to get him that and Arthur had stopped complaining after the first couple of months, realizing that Merlin would probably never change.  
“Where have you been last night?”  
This sudden question caught him so off guard Merlin blinked at him several times and raised an eyebrow, “What?”  
“I gave you leave last night. Where did you go?”, Arthur asked again.  
Merlin felt himself being backed into the wall of his little quarters, “What? Why?”  
“Guess what, I ran into Gwaine today and he told me about your little excursion to the pub”, Arthur growled.  
“So what?”, Merlin didn't understand.  
“Why didn't you tell me?”  
Merlin looked at him confused, “Tell you what?”  
“If you were just going out with him, I could have come along, couldn't I?”  
All he got was a confused expression from Merlin. The prince's sentences didn't make any sense anymore, “What's your problem?”  
“You won't talk to me about what's on your mind but … him? Do you trust him more, is that it?”  
Merlin stared at him in disbelieve. Was he jealous by any chance? No, that was impossible. In the end, it had been Arthur who had woken to this new day with a servant girl in his bed.  
“I don't get you, sire”, Merlin said truthfully.  
“Don't call me like that”, Arthur yelled, “You never call me that when we are talking seriously”  
Merlin just looked at him.  
“Forget it, just bring me my lunch”, Arthur suddenly said, walking to the door and waving him off, “And don't make me wait two more hours or I'll drag you to the stocks myself”  
Merlin watched him leave and stared after him, still confused.  
“What was that?”, he whispered to himself and didn't realise Gaius raising a brow at him, but saying nothing.


	26. Being alone

Not much later Merlin was standing in front of Arthur's chambers, a tray of food in his hands and thinking about what to do next. He though it wise to knock this time, since the prince had been in such a foul mood before he didn't want to risk anything.  
Thus he kicked the door in an attempt to knock. Arthur just growled an annoyed 'come in' and Merlin obeyed. He pushed the door open with his shoulder and walked in, putting the tray down on Arthur's table.   
“Was about time”, Arthur mumbled and sat down, gesturing at Merlin to pour him some wine.  
“Sorry”, Merlin answered quietly and did as he was instructed, still not sure what had caused this sudden change in the prince.  
“It's alright, I told you... I don't even know what's gotten into me, but once you're done here you can go. I don't need you”  
Merlin looked at him startled, “Sorry?”  
“I give you leave, so go”, Arthur repeated, “Go and have some fun”  
“Are you sure?”, Merlin cocked his head. Something really was fishy about this, “Arthur, if this is about my magic-?”  
“It's not, I told you or maybe it is, I don't know – just leave, please. I want to be alone”  
“Uhm”, Merlin nodded slowly, “er, alright. Then... goodnight”  
“Yes, goodnight”, Arthur replied and waved him away, “You can get the plates and things in the morning”  
“Er... sure. As you wish, Sire”, Merlin walked back to the door and out, closing it slowly behind himself, still wondering about Arthur's weird behaviour.

Back in his room, Merlin used the time to bring his things in order. It had been a while since he last had had the chance to actually do some cleaning and tidying. Only now he realised how much time he spent with the prince. He rose his brows and continued folding his freshly washed and dried clothes, putting them into the cupboard, when suddenly Gaius knocked.  
“Merlin?”, the old man asked, slowly opening the door to peer at his young student.  
“What?”, the young sorcerer eyed the physician with a frown.  
“Well, that's what I'd like to know. What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Prince Arthur?”  
“No, it appears he doesn't need me any more”, the boy threw the covers off his bed and fluffed the pillow.  
His old friend rose his brow.  
“Don't ask me why. Even I don't know. He doesn't tell me everything you know”  
“Is this about-”, but he didn't get to finish the sentence.  
“No, it seems it's not about my magic. Or... I dunno”, Merlin ran a hand through his hair in frustration, “I don't know what's gotten into him all of a sudden”  
Gauis motioned the young man to sit on the bed and let himself down next to him, “That wasn't what I was going to say, Merlin”  
“Then what?”, Merlin shot him an irritated look, “It's not like there could be any other reason”  
“Apparently there is”, the old man said and sighed, “I think it has something to do with yesterday”  
“Yesterday?”  
“Yes”, he folded his hands and looked down at them, “Though I don't really know what yesterday was even about. You tell me, Merlin”  
“I...”, the boy stared at him, “I have no idea...”  
And he really didn't.   
Gaius nodded with a frown, “Then you better find out” and got up, making his way back to his potions.  
Merlin sighed, “If only I had the faintest idea”

The rest of the day passed by slowly and Merlin found himself lying in his bed fully awake. All on his mind was Arthur. Something had changed in him and he feared for the worst: That it had to do with his magic. Unable to sleep he finally sat up and ran his hands over his face, groaning in annoyance.   
“Damn you”, he cursed under his breath and threw the covers off himself, getting to his feet.   
He pulled on his boots and tiptoed out of his room, through Gaius' not trying to wake the old physician, and made his way out into the hallway.  
It was a silent night and the chandeliers in the hallways were unlit, bathing everything in pure darkness. Only the moon, peeking through behind clouds was throwing faint shimmers of blue light onto the walls, when Merlin passed windows.  
In the distance he could hear footsteps and the rustle of fabrics. He pricked his ears and tried to make out who the person could be that was still up at this hour. The sounds were coming closer and Merlin decided to hide in a corner of the hallways, peeking around the wall to see who the night walker was.  
To his surprise it was Arthur, but he wasn't alone. He was talking to a maid, his arms slung around her waist and they were exchanging stifled giggles and whispers. Merlin swallowed hard, noticing how the prince's hand was placed on the woman's body, keeping her close.   
Just why did it hurt so much to see Arthur like this? What a silly question, Merlin, he scolded himself. He knew the answer exactly and even though he knew the prince would never be his and he had started to sleep around with random maids and women ever since Gwen had broken up with him, Merlin couldn't help the feelings in his chest, as if his heart had been torn into two once again.   
He gripped into his shirt, turning away from the sight and leaned against the wall he was hiding behind, trying to suppress the tears starting to well up.

After he had made sure that Arthur and that girl had left, Merlin ran back into his chambers, yanked the door open, not caring for Gaius to wake up, and let himself fall onto his bed once again. The old man rose his head startled and got up from his bed, walking into Merlin's room, looking down at the crying boy.  
“Merlin?”, he asked carefully, “Everything all right?”  
The black haired sorcerer didn't respond and kept hiding his head in the pillow, stifling his sobs.  
“My boy, what's wrong?”, Gaius sat down on the edge of Merlin's bed.  
“I... I don't know, what's wrong with me”, Merlin cried, his voice hoarse, “I wanna be there for Arthur no matter what and help him become king, but-”  
“But?”, Gaius asked when the boy stopped speaking and clenched his teeth.  
“How can I do that, if I can't even look at him anymore?”  
The old man touched the young sorcerer's shoulder affectionately, waiting for him to go on.  
“It's impossible. Not... now... It was okay when he was with Gwen, when... when I knew he was with someone he loves and who loves him, but now?”  
“What changed?”, the physician asked carefully, squeezing his shoulders.  
“He doesn't care anymore. He simply takes anyone to bed”  
Gaius rose a brow, “So? He's a man after all, Merlin. It's not like everyone is as noble as you, waiting for the one true love to come around”  
Merlin stared at the old man in disbelieve, “You think it's right what he's doing?”  
“I didn't say that, Merlin. What I meant was that it's none of our business. Why are you getting so worked up about this anyways?”  
A long pause of silence spread between them and Merlin turned his eyes away from his old friend, avoiding his gaze.  
“Merlin?”, he asked again.  
“It's nothing”, the young man lied, hiding his head on the pillow again.  
“It surely is not nothing, Merlin”, Gaius said a little stricter, “Did the prince do something bad or?”  
Merlin rose his head and looked at him a little irritated, “No? I mean... I don't know what you mean”  
Gaius' expression softened and he stared at him in worry, “Did he do something to you, Merlin?”  
“Like what?”  
The old man's eyes were full of meaning and sceptic.  
“Really, I don't know what you are talking about”  
“You are his personal manservant, Merlin, but you don't have to do everything he asks of you. You know you can always say no. He's got no right to-”  
“Gaius? What are you trying to imply?”, the warlock interrupted him with a serious face.  
“I don't want you to get hurt. And if he did something to you, you ought to tell me and I'll have a word with him”  
“No... NO!”, Merlin exclaimed, sitting up straight, “He didn't... I mean, he didn't do anything”  
“Are you sure?”  
“YES!”, Merlin's face was blushing a deep red and his heart racing, “Arthur's not like that. He'd never...”  
Gaius sighed a little relieved, patting the back of the boy, “Well, then I'm glad. But, if he ever offers anything like that, make sure to object”  
Merlin bit down on his bottom lip, “Uhm... yeah”  
As if. Even though he knew, he would feel even more hurt if he had him for one night and could never get him again, but it would definitely be better than not getting the chance at all.  
“Of course”, Merlin said, not meeting the other's eyes and swallowed hard.  
Gaius got up from the bed then and moved towards the door, “And please, Merlin. Whatever it is that's bothering you, talk to me. I am here for you no matter what. Or if you don't want to talk to me about it, then at least talk to Lancelot. I can't watch you cry without being able to help”  
Merlin nodded.

Of course he didn't talk to Lancelot about it again or anyone else. How could he? Wasn't it enough that Gwen knew already? How was he supposed to stand the humiliation he would get from the knights for those ridiculous feelings?  
He was sitting around on a meadow, polishing some of Arthur's armour while the knights were having their training, when Maria came walking towards him.   
“Maria”, he said a little surprised, eyeing her up and down.  
She was dressed in a beautiful long dark blue dress and tried to hold it up a little so it wouldn't touch the ground.  
“Merlin”, she said with a soft smile and moved closer, “Gaius told me you've been... unwell”  
The dark haired man looked up at her and smiled, “Did he?”  
She sat down on the grass next to him and nodded silently.  
“Well... yeah... it's nothing”, he tried to wave it off and watched Arthur and Percival on the training grounds fighting each other with wooden sticks.   
“I'm sure it's not nothing”, she said with a friendly voice.  
Merlin chuckled at that, “You sound like Gaius”  
“Come on, you can tell me”  
“Why is everyone saying that to me, lately”  
“Because we care about you, Merlin. We are your friends”  
He wasn't too sure about this, at least not when it came to Maria. How could he ever trust her? They didn't really know each other that well after all.  
“It's nothing, really”, he tried again, but not looking at her.  
His eyes were fixed on Arthur, now wielding a sword.  
The blonde girl followed Merlin's gaze and she sighed in realisation.  
“Did you fight?”, she suddenly asked.  
“What? Who?”, Merlin rose his brows and looked at her a little startled.  
“You and prince Arthur”, she said smiling, “Though I must admit, when I first saw you two I had no idea who he was”  
“So? And no... we didn't fight”  
“No? Then what is it? You seem rather down and even Arthur looks a little off. Something must have happened”   
Merlin groaned, “NO, nothing happened. Nothing at ALL”  
Her eyes widened and she furrowed her brows, “Come on, Merlin. There must be something. It doesn't make any sense. You are both so gloomy and I'm wondering what such love birds as you two are could have-”  
“Lovebirds?”, Merlin turned to face her, his mouth wide open, “What?”  
She chuckled and gave Merlin a soft shove to the shoulder, “Don't even try to hide it Merlin. You two are obvious”  
His eyes became even wider and his jaw felt as if it had dropped down into the grass.   
“What?”  
“What are you implying?”, he whispered.  
She rose both her brows and made an irritated face, “Well, you two are lovers, that's what-”  
“No?”, Merlin interrupted her quickly, making a serious expression, “We are most certainly NOT!”  
“Then...”, she looked at Merlin, then at Arthur and it was more than obvious that she finally was able to solve the puzzle, “oh my god. I'm so sorry... but now I get it!”  
Merlin was puzzled, “What?”  
“You love him, that's... that's what's been bothering you”  
The boy moved back a bit at the sudden outburst and shook his head way too vehemently, blushing a deep red, “N... no!? I... do not... love him!?”  
“Yes, you do! That's why you've been so down lately!”  
He waved his hands in front of her “No, no, that's not it”  
“It is, Merlin. God, I wish I could help you... but... you know... he's the prince... I... I'm not sure what I could do, what you could do”, she looked at him with sad eyes and immediately regretted her words, as she saw Merlin's expression change.  
He clenched his fists around the cloth he was holding until his knuckles turned white, “I... I know that...”, his voice was broken.  
“I'm so sorry...”, Maria petted his back and got to her feet, “But to be honest... I believe he might actually feel the same way about you, Merlin” She squeezed his shoulder in comfort, “otherwise I'd have never thought you were already... you know”  
Without saying anything else, she left Merlin sitting on the grass, lost in thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updates, but I'm busy lately with drawing :)  
> for anyone interested in my upcoming project, here's the link to my official FB-page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Ta-Mo%C3%A8/621121471247313


	27. wish upon a star

Merlin snorted mournfully and brought his eyes back to the training field and back on Arthur. There was no way in hell that the prince would ever share his sentiments. They were barely friends. And yes, he might have accepted his magic even, that didn't make him fall in love with him. He shook his head. No, he wouldn't allow himself to fall for this illusion.   
“Oi, Merlin”, the prince came running towards him and tossed him the wooden stick he had used for training into the arms, “Water”  
He let himself fall down into the grass next to his servant and ran a hand through his sweaty hair. “That was a nice work out”, he stated, blinking against the sun high at the sky.  
“Yeah”, Merlin agreed, not really knowing to what exactly, “There” and gave him a cup filled with fresh cold water.  
“Thank you”, the prince downed the drink in one go, splashing almost half of the insides over his shirt.  
Merlin looked at him, then turned his eyes away from him as quickly as possible. He would not stare, he would not, but he glanced from the corner of his eyes over, watching the water trickled down Arthur's chin and the soaked through shirt, sticking to his skin.

“Hah”, the prince sighed again and fell backwards into the grass, closing his eyes, “Such a nice day, blue sky, though maybe a little too hot”  
Merlin almost choked on his own breath, “Ye... yeah... sunny... and … hot”  
He looked round at Arthur, staring almost. Until Sir Percival came over and flopped down next to Merlin on the other side, “Water, Merlin? Please!”  
The younger man obeyed and handed the knight a mug too, using this chance to force himself to look away from his prince.  
“Great training today, Sire”, Percival said and drank the water.  
“Yes, for sure...”, Arthur replied quietly. He was drifting off into a nice slumber.  
Percival looked over at the sleeping prince and chuckled, nodding at Merlin, “You better wake him up, we can't have him get sunburnt” That said the knight got to his feet again and ran back onto the training ground to face Gwaine in another sparring.  
Merlin sighed and watched his prince sleep soundlessly. He kicked his shin with one foot and said: “Arthur, wake up”  
He hadn't really meant the kick so Arthur merely shifted a bit, rolled onto his side and used his arms as a pillow, facing Merlin now.  
The younger man stared down at him, his bright blond hair was gently whipping in the breeze and his golden eyelashes were shimmering under his sweaty fringe.  
Merlin swallowed hard and stopped in his tracks, as he realised that his hand was moving on his own towards Arthur's face, longing to touch. He quickly took his hand back and inhaled deeply, looking away.   
“Sire!”, Merlin repeated and shook him roughly by the shoulder.  
Arthur stirred and blinked at him drowsily. “Merlin”, the prince growled.  
“I'll prepare your bath, please... wake up and move your royal ass towards the castle”, Merlin said trying to be his usual self and got to his feet, walking onwards towards the castle.  
“Merlin!”, Arthur groaned again and stretched his neck, “You'll never learn how to talk to me, huh”  
“No”, Merlin replied grinning cheekily, “You know me”  
Arthur snorted and followed him shortly, punching him to the shoulder, “Idiot”  
If the affection in his voice made Merlin blush, Arthur didn't mention it.

Back in Arthur's chambers, the prince was standing behind the screen, getting out of his sweaty clothes, while Merlin was waiting for him, having just finished preparing the bath.  
“Do you need me for anything else, sire?”, he asked, fiddling with his sleeves. “I think Gaius could need my help and-”  
“Yes, you need to scrub my back, you know I can't reach it, Merlin!”, Arthur interrupted him, making it impossible for Merlin to get away.  
He sighed and waited for Arthur to come out from behind the screen in all his naked glory.  
By now, Merlin should have been used to that sight but he wasn't. How could he, if he was always so close to what he wanted, what he was longing for so desperately, but couldn't get it. Touching him was torture, especially on days like this, when all he wanted to do was go back to his room, curl up on his bed and cry in self-pity. He wasn't usually the selfish person, but sometimes he felt utterly defeated from the way Arthur treated him, as if the prat knew of his feelings.  
Arthur walked out behind the screen, a towel around his hips and moved over to the bathtub, waving at Merlin, “Get the scrub, would you”  
Merlin rose a brow at him, it had been years since Arthur had actually done that – hiding himself from Merlin and he couldn't help but wonder.  
While Merlin was doing as he was told, getting the cloth to clean Arthur's back with, the prince slid into the tub and when Merlin turned around at him again he found only Arthur's back facing him, the man deeply buried in the hot water.  
“Sire?”, Merlin couldn't help but ask and moved back to him.  
“What, Merlin?”, Arthur said, sounding a little annoyed.  
“Uhm... nothing”, the dark haired man lied and pushed the cloth into the warm water, wetting it and brought it to Arthur's back, rubbing it clean.  
“I told you before, if there's something on your mind, do tell”  
“No, it's nothing”, Merlin replied, concentrating on the bare back in front of him, letting his fingers trail soft touches over the hot skin sometimes a little too long.  
Arthur snorted, “Merlin, you are an open book, and I know something's been bothering you the last few days”  
Merlin chuckled unamused, “Actually not just days”  
Arthur stilled and shifted a bit, until he was looking at Merlin over his shoulder, “What? What is it?”  
Merlin shrugged and looked away, “It's... nothing for you to worry about”  
The prince made a face, “I know about your... you know what... what could be worse?”  
“Yes”, the warlock laughed darkly, “You know that... but... there can be worse”  
Arthur tensed and turned around completely, “What? Did you kill someone? Did someone see you perform...” He paused and added in a whisper, “you know what”  
Merlin shook his head, “No, nothing like that... not at all... well... actually”  
He looked at him with a sad smile, “There's more... you know... magic wise... but I'm scared... what you'd do”  
Arthur stared at him, his face suddenly turning red as he turned his back towards Merlin again. “T... tell me?”, he asked carefully.  
“Well... I don't know if I should...”, Merlin admitted and put the cloth back to Arthur's skin, rubbing slow circles, “it could change everything”  
Arthur turned back around and took hold of Merlin's wrist, “Merlin, if you are playing games with me-”  
“I'm not”, Merlin exclaimed a little anxiously at the sudden tight grip.  
“Well”, the prince shoved his arm away and looked away, “I... maybe...”  
He ran a hand through his hair and added, “You may go now. I don't need you for now”  
Merlin nodded and stood, “I'll bring you lunch later, Sire”  
Arthur didn't reply to that and thus Merlin left, closing the door quietly behind himself.  
Standing in front of the door, the young sorcerer shook his head in irritation, what was going on? What was Arthur suggesting? He had only meant to tell him about Maria, but he wasn't sure if it was up to him to tell on her like that. She had to tell him herself, or Uther, but that was impossible. So maybe she'd never tell anyone, maybe noone except him would ever know, until she'd bear Uther a child which happened to have magic. Was that possible? He sighed and walked back to Gaius, asking for help.


	28. Time's running out

The next days were just as weird. Somehow Arthur started to retreat from him more and more and whenever they were locking eyes, Arthur was the first to turn his away, looking anywhere but Merlin.  
The young man was quite confused by Arthur's behaviour, but he simply couldn't ask him. Facing him directly, asking him personal things would only backfire at him again, leading to nothing else but Arthur interrogating him instead of telling about himself. And so they both kept their act up in front of each other, pretending that everything was fine, they both were fine, even thought they weren't.  
Arthur was bringing more frequently girls back to his chambers, every time another one Merlin hadn't seen before and soon he was sure, that there was no girl left in Camelot Arthur hadn't spent the night with.  
Gwen's betrayal must have had taken its toll on the prince and Merlin felt sick not being able to help him, make him stop going around not caring at all anymore.

So when he found himself faced once again with a situation, where he saw Arthur embracing a woman, Merlin inhaled deeply and tried his best to ignore them. He placed the breakfast on the table in his prince's chambers and didn't look at them curled up around each other in Arthur's bed.  
How Merlin wished he could be the one lying there with Arthur, though what he wanted even more was to be the one who could bring the prince out of his misery.   
The young man shook his head at himself and sighed, wondering if Arthur or the girl had even realised his presence. The only motion Arthur had done was draping his arm closer around the woman in his arms, cuddling her close, holding her almost possessively.   
Merlin cringed at that sight and was about to leave the room as quiet as possible again, as he heard a soft whisper coming from the bed.  
He turned around, expecting Arthur to have woken up and looking at him, ready to give him more orders for the day. Though when he looked at the bed, no one had moved at all. Arthur was still fast asleep, only his lips had parted, whispering quietly into the girl's dark curls.  
The young warlock watched him for a while with a sad smile, until he heard Arthur whisper again, growling into the girl's neck, “M... Merlin” He held her even closer and his brows furrowed into a deep frown.  
Merlin stood there, staring, confused and in shock, as he felt his heart beating faster and his cheeks burning. He shook his head again, dismissing any thoughts that made their way into his mind, sticking there, not wanting to let go, of what he'd just seen – heard and what it could mean.  
Quickly, he made his way out of the room, stumbling, and ran for his own. Arthur had said his name, in his sleep, hugging a girl.  
He slammed the door to his own room shut behind himself and leaned back against it, panting irritated.  
This didn't mean anything, he told himself over and over again, after all he couldn't see into Arthur's mind, nor could he ever know what Arthur was dreaming about. If it really had been him, then he'd probably been mocking him even in his dreams.  
Merlin let himself fall down on his bed and buried his face in the pillow. There was just no way that Arthur could ever feel anything for Merlin, what he felt for him. It was simply impossible, his want and longing for the prince played dirty tricks on him and he hated himself for even hoping.

Time went by and Arthur retreated from Merlin even more but at the same time he stopped taking women to his bed every now and again. Instead, he seemed to have taken a liking to train harder and even though Merlin was glad his prince had stopped with his frivolous ways he couldn't help but wonder why he felt as if Arthur distanced himself more and more from him. There was simply no explanation for it, except his magic and he hated the fact it drove them apart. He was Arthur's friend after all, even though his own feelings ran much deeper than that, but the prince didn't know that.   
It had been more than half a year since Morgana had disappeared and almost two months since Uther and Maria's wedding.  
And even though Arthur knew about Merlin's magic, they wouldn't talk about it. From time to time Merlin would look at Arthur and wonder what was going on in his master's mind and be caught by the prince looking back. The second their eyes met, Merlin would quickly look away and pretend he had never even watched him in the first place.   
Of course Merlin was still Arthur's servant and doing his duties, but at the same time their bickering had become less and less, which undoubtedly had a lot to do with Merlin simply being unable to act casual around the one he loved any longer. A single brush of their skin made him tense up and sent sweet tingles down his spine and he sometimes found himself wondering if it wouldn't be for the best if he stayed away from the prince.  
Obviously, he couldn't do that. Not only because of his destiny, but simply because he loved him too much to stay away. Oh, sweet temptation.


	29. Coming out

It all happened faster than Merlin had ever imagined it would. Maria came running to him, grabbed his arms and looked at him with tear filled eyes. At first he didn't comprehend, but after he had seen the expression in her eyes it had clicked. She had accidentally revealed herself to Uther – to the king.  
“I don't know what to do, Merlin”, she cried, letting go of him, running in circles in the stables, where she had found Merlin, “He saw... I didn't... I couldn't...”  
The young man walked up to her and pulled her into his arms.  
“The way he was looking at me, as if he didn't know me... as if I was a monster...”, she sobbed into Merlin's shirt.  
There weren't many possibilities for her now that Uther had found out what she was capable of. She had to leave Camelot for good. “You need to go”, he whispered, “Far away, where he, his men won't find you”  
She pulled away from him and stared at him, “But... I can't... I don't want to”  
Merlin swallowed hard. He knew all to well what she was going through and suddenly he felt a pang in his heart at the realisation that Arthur had not sent him away, that he had not looked at him as if he was someone disgusting. He had accepted him the way he was, even though he still wouldn't really meet his eyes, but he hadn't told on him and he never would. Arthur trusted him.  
“It was an accident”, she went on, looking around the stables, “I didn't see him, I didn't know he was there when... I can not not use magic, you know how it is, don't you Merlin?”  
He simply nodded, “It's all that I have left from my parents... and I... maybe I secretly hoped he'd find out... and that... that he'd still accept me...”  
Merlin watched her.  
“But he didn't...”, her jaw set tightly, “He never loved me enough to see through his hate. He called for the guards immediately... Can you believe that?”, she turned around and met his eyes again, tears rolling down her cheeks.  
“You need to leave”, Merlin repeated softly.  
“I know”, she looked at the ground, “I know, Merlin... I just wanted to say goodbye... you never knew about my magic, you never talked to me after I ran...”  
Maria looked up at him one last time and hugged him goodbye, “I wish I could have found someone like you have in Arthur...”  
Merlin stared at her a little startled, wondering how much she knew, and let go of her. She smiled at him and turned around, walking out of the stables. He could hear the shouts of some knights, swords falling, armour clashing and shrieks.  
It all turned more distant each minute and soon Merlin wasn't able to hear anything any longer.  
He sighed and sank to the ground into the hey, burying his face in his hands. This could have been him. He could have been the one to be running away from Camelot, from his destiny, from his love.

When he finally emerged from the stables and made his way back to the castle he found Arthur running through the hallways. His eyes were gleaming furiously and the second he laid them on Merlin he stopped in his tracks, marched up to him and grabbed him with pure force, pulling him after himself to his chambers. The door was shut loudly and Merlin flinched.  
“Did you know?”, the prince asked sternly.  
Merlin didn't answer.  
“Did you KNOW, MERLIN?”, he asked again, yelling at him, throwing his sword to the floor.  
The younger man cringed.  
“Tell me!”, Arthur was furious.  
“I don't know what you are talk-”  
Arthur would have none of it and pushed Merlin back against the hard stone wall. Merlin's eyes widened in anxiety.   
“Did you know, that your sweet little fiancé is a sorceress?”, Arthur asked again, moving closer.  
Merlin could feel Arthur's breath on his skin and he swallowed hard. There was no way in denying it, was there? Arthur knew about his magic after all.  
“I... I'm sorry. How could I tell on her?”, he said desperately, “It was not my-”  
“You KNEW! And yet, you let my FATHER marry her?”  
Merlin squeezed his eyes shut, afraid of what Arthur might do to him.  
“I...”  
“I thought we had agreed: no more secrets, Merlin!?”, the prince's voice got quieter.  
“Arthur”, Merlin began and clenched his fists, “Only because... you know... about... my... magic, doesn't mean that there are no secrets between us, does it?”  
Arthur glared at him, opened his mouth to reply something, but Merlin interrupted him, “I'm sure you have secrets too”  
The blonde looked at him, speechless.  
Merlin nodded, “See... everyone has their secrets, even you...”  
Arthur snorted at that, “I don't... not from you”  
“Are you sure?”, Merlin asked. There was no way he didn't. He knew nothing about what was going on in Arthur's head after all.   
Arthur stared at him, fixing him with a glare. He was obviously thinking hard.  
“And yet... you chose not to tell me... Merlin, she is a sorceress. She practices magic!”  
Merlin nodded, “So do I”  
He held Arthur's stare. This wasn't the time to back down. If they were finally talking about it, really talking about it, he would do anything to make Arthur understand.  
“Yes, but you... you are different”  
“How? Explain to me, Arthur. HOW am I any different than her?”  
“You are Merlin!”, Arthur answered as if it was the perfect explanation. He was shaking his head, eyes closed.  
“So? She's just Maria. A normal girl who just happened to have learned magic from her parents!”  
“Normal? She's not normal, Merlin... she's-”  
“A monster?”, Merlin finished for him and pushed Arthur away, his eyes full of hurt, “Then so am I!”  
“No... I mean... she enchanted my father – he'd have never married her... a peasant...”  
Merlin stared at him, “Excuse me? Remember, YOU were the one wanting to MARRY a SERVANT and YOU are the one being FRIENDS with a SERVANT who's in addition to that a SORCERER!”  
Arthur took a step back, then he shook his head, “Yes... right... though”  
His blue eyes widened in something like realisation, “You... you are a sorcerer, Merlin...”  
The dark haired man blinked at him. Hadn't they established that fact long ago already? “Yes...?”  
“Did you...?”, Arthur began, moving away from him a little, his eyes not once leaving Merlin's face.  
“Arthur?”, Merlin followed him slowly.  
“What have you done to me, Merlin?”, the prince asked, clenching his fists, “Did you enchant me, too? Is that... why I'm... like this? Why I don't care about your magic? Your betrayal?”  
Merlin parted his lips to say something, but Arthur cut in.  
“These past weeks, all I can think about is you and I don't know any more what to do. I get jealous when you are with Gwaine, with Lance, even over Gwen! I should be wanting to spend my time with her, but all I ever want is to be with you. Did you enchant me, so that I can't hate you?”  
He glanced at Merlin from the side.  
“No, Arthur”, Merlin said quietly, “I'd never do that. You know me”  
Arthur swallowed hard, “Do I, Merlin? I don't know anymore what to believe. I've trusted you, even after you told me about your magic. Not once have I doubted your loyalty, but this-” He gestured wildly and went one hand through his hair.  
“This?”, Merlin asked, taking a step closer.  
“All this... inside me”, Arthur's face was full of frustration and sadness and hurt. So many emotions were mirrored in his eyes, Merlin had never seen before.  
He took the prince's hand into his own, placing it on his own chest, right above his heart, “Do you feel that, Arthur? This-” He stared into his eyes, “-heart beats only for you. My whole existence is for you. Do you honestly believe I'd ever do you any harm?”  
Arthur took his hand quickly back and turned around, facing the window. “I don't know...”  
“How can you not know?”, Merlin yelled in frustration, “I just told you I love you and all you do is question me. What did I do to deserve this treatment? For a second I thought you felt the same but apparently I was wrong. All you care about is whether I have magic or not – you don't care about me as a person-”  
“That's not true!”, Arthur whirled around, shouting at him. “I DO care about you, Merlin. Way too much. More than a prince should care for – for anyone”  
Merlin stared at him.  
“I'm having all these feelings and thoughts and desires that I don't know what to do anymore. How can you blame me for searching for an answer?”  
“Just tell me what you want”, Merlin yelled back at him, “Tell me whether you want me or not” Tears started to well up in his eyes but he didn't care. Arthur knew how he felt, there was no point in denying it anymore or hiding his deepest feelings.  
“Why do you need me to spell it out for you”, Arthur clenched his fists, “I told you everything”  
“And so did I. And all I want is for you to be happy”, Merlin looked at him, tears rolling down his cheeks, “even if it's not with me”  
At that Arthur faced him again, “Even if it's not with you? You know what I feel, you know that exactly and yet... how can you say those things? What do you expect me to do?”  
“Actually, nothing”, Merlin admitted and sunk against the bedpost.  
“Exactly. Nothing, Merlin. I can't do anything about it. What I want doesn't matter, you know that. And if you think I'd be happy about having to marry some other kingdom's princess you're wrong”  
Merlin stared at him.  
“Do you have any idea, what you're putting me through here?”  
“Me?”  
“Yes”, he glared at his servant, “You. Couldn't you have kept quiet? Why did you have to... to be like this”  
“I don't know what you're talking about”  
“Oh for Christ's sake, Merlin. You know exactly what I'm talking about. All those glances, your touches and stares. Your awkwardness around me. Do you think I wouldn't notice the way you were looking at me? I'm not that dense, you know”  
“So?”, Merlin blushed and looked away.  
“Knowing how you felt... it made me... uncomfortable, or at least that's what I thought at the beginning, but soon I realised that there might actually be more to it”  
The younger man glanced at him, biting his bottom lip. Was he really about to tell him the story how he had fallen for him?  
“At some point... I understood what it was... or so I thought... then... the queen... Maria turns out to be a fake and-”  
“She wasn't... she loved your father... she still does, she's leaving because she can't stay here any longer. How can you say all these things about me and forget how she might feel? Do you... do you even know... what I'd feel... if you were to send me away? I couldn't bear to be parted from you, Arthur!”, Merlin explained desperately wanting his prince to see, “She left only because she had no other choice, she'd have never married the king if she hadn't loved him!”  
Arthur looked at him, his lips pressed into a thin line.  
“She would have never done anything to hurt him! And I'm the same. I love you from the bottom of my heart, probably from the first day we met even and all I want is for you to be safe and happy. I'd never do anything – ever – against you – the only magic I ever used on you was to heal you, but I'd never force my feelings on you!”  
The prince stared at him, his cheeks flushed from their fight and the emotions.   
“Arthur... you have to believe me”, Merlin told him in tears, “I'm begging you, it's... just that simple... I love you, I love you so much it hurts”  
Arthur felt his own eyes starting to water at the sight of Merlin's expression and he slowly moved his hand up to cup Merlin's cheek, brushing the tears away.   
“I... I want to... I... I do... but how can I be sure... that this is really me? Feeling this way about you?”, he asked, meeting his eyes, stroking his cheek still, “Tell me...”  
“Because I wouldn't need to tell you all this if I had enchanted you Arthur. You'd simply love me back whether I'd like it or not, whether you'd like it or not... no matter what anyone would say. But you are questioning me, your feelings, your heart”, Merlin placed his hands on Arthur's chest, clinging to his shirt. “Doesn't this tell you already? The hurt? The frustrations? All these emotions? That they are yours? And yours alone?”  
The blonde swallowed soundly, brushing his thumb over Merlin's cheek again and up to his hair, feeling the soft curls under his fingers.  
“Merlin”, Arthur whispered and leant forward, pressing his lips softly to Merlin's, closing his eyes.  
The dark haired man blinked for a second, before he closed his eyes as well and let himself get drowned in the bliss of being kissed by his prince.


	30. Forbidden love

When their lips parted after a long moment, Arthur moved back a little bit, watching Merlin intensely. His thumb was still caressing his cheek in slow circles stroking his skin.   
“Merlin”, the prince whispered.  
“Yes, Arthur?”, the dark haired man answered.  
“You know... we can't...”, he rested his forehead against Merlin's and sighed.  
Merlin's breath hitched, “I... I know... I'm sorry”  
The blonde looked up again, meeting the other's eyes, “It's not your fault...”  
“Still...”  
“Shh”, Arthur whispered, placing a finger over Merlin's lips, “It doesn't matter”  
He moved in again, kissing him tenderly at first, before becoming more demanding.  
Merlin pushed him off and stared at him with widened eyes, breathing hard.  
“What?”, Arthur asked confused.  
“That's my line, sire. You just said... we can't... then why...?”  
The blond man looked at his servant and sighed, turning away from him, “I know, I just... sorry...” Arthur ran a hand through his hair and clenched his left fist. “I don't know what came over me. I apologize”  
Merlin simply stared at him, “That... that's all?” He cringed, but kept watching Arthur's back.  
“Yes... no!”, the prince groaned in frustration and whirled around to the other man, meeting his eyes, “I don't know!”  
Merlin backed away, not once leaving his lord's gaze.   
“I just... Merlin... why... of ALL people... why YOU?”, Arthur asked and looked at him as if he had all the answers in the world.   
Merlin smiled sadly at him, “If it was that easy... to answer that question... you don't know how often I asked myself why you, Arthur?! Why does it have to be you...? Why do I have to feel all of this for you?” He took a step towards Arthur and kissed him long but tender once more, before moving away again.  
Then he nodded and regained posture. “I know. I was being out of order, my lord. We can not... dare not to even speak these things... I know that, Sire. Therefore I pretend this conversation never happened and you better do too” He turned around and away from Arthur, walking a few steps towards the door. “I'm sorry... I truly am, I should have never... brought it up to begin with”  
He nodded once more and left the room. Arthur was being left standing in his chambers, gaping at the closing door, unable to even utter a single word.

Merlin hated it but he knew there was no other way than pretending they were friends, if even that, and nothing more. They couldn't be, he knew that better than anyone and no matter how much it hurt him or Arthur he was mature enough to not let his feelings get the better of him and rule over him. Arthur had been born to be the King of Camelot, to unite the lands of Albion, if the Dragon was right even and thus he couldn't be with someone like Merlin – a servant, a warlock, his enemy and friend at once. To be his lover as well would be too much of a burden and cause only problems for both of them.   
Merlin couldn't and wouldn't be Arthur's weakness but his strength. He'd always be there for him as he had promised - as his friend.  
He walked into his and Gaius' chambers and went straight for his own room, shutting the door loudly and fell down onto his bed. Even if he had been strong just now, smiling at his prince, saying and thinking all these oh-so-great words in the end he was just a simple boy in love who couldn't be with the one he wanted. Merlin buried his face in his arms, biting down on the soft fabric of his leather jacket, trying to at least stifle his sobs a bit, so no one would hear and notice his heartache.

When Merlin saw the prince later that evening neither of them lost a word of what had happened before. They didn't even meet each other's eyes.  
“My uncle's coming”, Arthur said without any hint of emotion.  
He was sitting at his table, poking his food. Merlin was standing not far from him, waiting for his lord to finish dinner, staring at an indifferent spot on the floor.  
Merlin looked up at Arthur, watching his profile, “Your uncle?”  
“Yes”, the prince said, playing with the fork between his fingers.  
“You never told me you had an uncle”  
“He was my... mother's brother”, Arthur explained and swallowed hard.  
Merlin simply looked at him, keeping quiet.  
“I've only met Aggravaine once... a long time ago”, the blonde went on and sighed, “It doesn't matter. Father is incapable of ruling alone at the moment. He will be of great help as an advisor”  
Merlin could only nod.  
Then there was silence. Arthur poked a potato with his fork but didn't eat it. Merlin kept stealing glances at him, but wouldn't look at him directly, his eyes falling down to the floor again and again.  
It was aggravating and Merlin clenched his fists, before trying to relax again and asking: “I'll polish your armour, Sire, since I'm already here I might as well-”  
“STOP it, Merlin!”, Arthur interrupted him, putting down the fork on the table violently.  
The younger man looked at him startled.  
“If... IF we are going to PRETEND I need you to”, Arthur began, finally meeting Merlin's eyes, “stop being just about EVERYWHERE I am... where I'm alone... we can't be alone... for now... please leave... and take this with you. I'm not hungry”  
Merlin stared. He felt his heart tighten and had to bite down on his lips in order to keep himself from saying something in return. Instead he took the plate and placed everything on his tray, making way for the door to leave.  
“I'm sorry”, Merlin whispered and shut the door behind himself, leaving Arthur alone with his own worries once again.

In the hallway the young dark haired man gripped hard into the tray, until his knuckles turned white, as he brought the plate back down to the kitchens. A maid looked at him and rose her brows.  
“What's wrong, Merlin?”, she asked, taking in the still full plate of the prince, “Didn't you bring it to the prince?”  
“No”, Merlin said, shaking his head with a weak smile, “He didn't want to eat it... And I guess it would be better if someone else brought him his breakfast tomorrow”  
Without further explanation Merlin left the kitchens again and hurried back to his own room, almost knocking Gaius over as he ran for his bed, tears rolling down his face.  
“Merlin?”, the old physician asked irritated and full of worry, “Did something happen?”  
Merlin shook his head, before disappearing into his room and banging the door shut. He heard Gaius sigh but the old man left it at that.


	31. hopeless

The next couple of days, Merlin didn't see much of Arthur. He only brought him his dinner, but excused himself as fast as possible again. He also tended to him on the training grounds but avoided looking at him or meeting his eyes in general.  
Yes, they had agreed on being just friends but somehow this was even worse than hating each other. Merlin's heart ached everytime he saw him and when they did have a conversation it was cold and their usual banter was missing or lacking.  
If anyone noticed that something had changed none mentioned it.

Thus, Merlin was once again following Arthur in silence, head down, into the stables. The prince had planned to go on a hunt, after he had been in way too many council sessions ever since his uncle's arrival.  
Aggravaine was a broad shouldered big man with slick black hair and dark cold eyes. Merlin didn't like him or the way he had pretty much taken over the castle and Arthur's trust. Of course he understood where Arthur was coming from, what his motives were in bringing his uncle here but at the same time he hated that he wasn't the one Arthur came to with his worries, thoughts on their people or anything alike.   
Lately he found himself wondering if it wouldn't have been better if he had left Camelot and Arthur for good, ignoring their so called joined destiny and the prophecy and whatnot.  
It had nothing to do with him anymore, did it? Arthur was farer away than ever and he was tired of it all.  
“Merlin”, Arthur said and snapped his fingers in front of Merlin's face. “Wake up”  
The younger man shook his head and looked at the blonde, before dropping his eyes again. “Yes, sire... I'll get your horse”  
Arthur walked out into the court, waiting for his servant, who arrived only a moment later with the prince's horse in tow.  
Arthur rose a brow at him. “Where's your horse?”  
“My horse?”, Merlin asked irritated.  
“Yes, Merlin, whose else?”, Arthur rolled his eyes and took the reins of his horse, nodding towards the stables, “Come on, I'm waiting”  
Merlin simply stood there, staring. “Why would I need my horse?”  
“Because you are coming with me, idiot”, the blonde grunted and gave Merlin a shove to the shoulder, “Now go”  
Merlin could only nod and ran off, coming back some time later with his own horse in tow.

They left the castle behind themselves and made their way into the woods. They rode in silence, Arthur at the front, Merlin behind, until they reached a clearing. The prince stopped his horse and dismounted it, waiting for Merlin to follow up.  
When the younger man did they both let their horses graze on the fresh green meadow they were standing on, surrounded by whispering trees.  
“Where do you want to hunt, Sire?”, Merlin asked, not looking at him, as he took out the crossbow.  
Arthur sighed and moved up to Merlin, placing his hand on his shoulder, “I wanted you to come with me so we could talk... alone”  
The young warlock tensed and didn't dare turn around, “About what, sire?”  
“About... us”  
“What's there to talk about? We... we stated everything, didn't we?”, Merlin's voice was shaking and his hands trembling, thus he clenched them into fists.  
“No... Merlin”, Arthur said, something very similar to hurt in the way he spoke, “Look at me”  
Merlin bit down on his bottom lip and obeyed, but he didn't meet his eyes.  
“I... look”, the prince began, his hand still on his shoulder.  
“What?”, Merlin asked and shook his head, “Why... why are you doing this?... I can't, Arthur. It hurts too much”  
Arthur stood silent.  
“We established that we cannot... so... so why do you look at me like this?”, he felt like crying, he wanted to punch something, so much did his heart hurt. It was tearing him apart.  
“I miss you”, Arthur said softly.  
Merlin's heart jumped a beat and finally met his eyes.  
“I hate that... it seems we can't be friends, the way we were before and... I just hate it”, he admitted.  
“Me too”, Merlin said quietly, “but we can't change it, what's done is done... I... I'll try harder”  
This time, Arthur shook his head and brought his free hand up to Merlin's other shoulder.  
“No”, he said, “I don't want you to try... I... I can't... cannot stand to be like this, when I... I know”  
He swallowed soundly, Merlin saw the blonde's Adam's apple bob and chewed on his lips.  
“I want”, Arthur began, “I thought a lot these past days, and... I know that one day I will have to marry, produce an heir, all that, but right now... what I want is...”  
Merlin watched him in silence, his eyes fixed on Arthur's every expression.  
“I want you, Merlin”, the prince finally said, “I want you by my side and... and at least use the little time we have... we can have together”  
It was more of a question than a statement, he was asking Merlin's opinion, wanted his answer.  
“What do you think?”  
The black haired man dropped his head and fixed his eyes on some leaves on the ground to his feet.  
“I don't know”, he said honestly, because really, he didn't.   
“I see”, Arthur exhaled deeply.  
“I mean, it's hopeless isn't it? This... whatever this is... cannot be, you said so yourself”, Merlin went on, tightening his fists, “I'm merely a servant, your servant and you're the prince, you are a man and I...”  
Arthur looked at him with a sad face.  
“I... I have magic even”  
“I know, I don't care!”, the blonde exclaimed, gripping Merlin's shoulders harder.  
“But I do, Arthur. One day you will realise it's all been one huge mistake and you will toss me aside like some... old pair of boots – once of use but after some time old and worn out-”  
“NO!”, Arthur almost shouted, his eyes furious, “You don't understand, Merlin. You... you are... the one for me, the only one, I love you more than my own life!”  
He let his head fall, slumping it against Merlin's chest, “There, you are the only person who can make me loose myself like this... even my pride doesn't matter anymore when it comes to you”  
Merlin tensed and blushed faintly at the unexpected confession and honesty of his prince and he slowly brought his arms around Arthur's back, holding him close.   
“Me too... all I want is for you to be happy and I know I cannot give you that”  
“No, you are wrong”, Arthur pushed back a bit to look him in the eyes, “You are the only one who can give me that”, and kissed him, slow and deeply.  
Merlin had not expected this but soon moved into the kiss and gripped strongly into the fabric of Arthur's shirt on his back. He had missed him too, so much, so deeply, not only his touch, but also their banter, their stolen glances, everything.  
“Arthur”, Merlin said softly, when their lips parted again, their faces still close to each other, “I'm hopeless when it comes to you”  
The blonde chuckled and brought one hand up to Merlin's cheek, caressing it, “And here I was always wondering why you were such a 'hopeless' servant when it came to serving me”  
Merlin's eyes crinkled when he smiled at Arthur's words and he felt for the first time in all those years that they might have a chance after all.


	32. conclusions (end)

Arthur looked at Merlin who watched him expectantly.   
“What are we going to do now?”, the prince asked sighing and placed his head on Merlin's shoulder.  
“I wish I had the answer to that”, the young warlock said quietly.  
“I know... no one has... and sadly enough no one can know about us”, he exhaled loudly and pushed back giving Merlin a sorry look.  
“It's fine, Arthur, really. I know that”, he smiled at him and took Arthur's hands into his own, “And I don't care or mind... I will do whatever you want me to do... as long as I can... be by your side”  
Arthur nodded and moved in to place a soft kiss to Merlin's lips. “I'll talk to Gwen”  
Merlin froze.  
“Don't worry... it will be fine, you will see”  
“But-”  
“No, buts... she is with Lancelot. She has a right to know and I want her to know... she can do at least that and pretend to be with me in front of others”  
Merlin stared at his prince, “What do you mean?”  
“I want her to help us... me, to keep my face”, he smiled at his friend and servant.  
“Wait... what? Are you serious? She will never do that”  
“Yes she will – she has to... after how she betrayed me with Lancelot”  
“But Arthur-!”  
“No buts, Merlin, I-”  
In that exact moment someone coughed in a close distance and Arthur took a step back, not letting go of Merlin.  
“Ah, Guinevere”, the prince said as the young woman walked up to them.  
How long had she been there, Merlin wondered, looking around at the bushes and trees surrounding the meadow they were standing in.  
“Arthur”, Gwen whispered, coming closer.  
She stopped in front of both men, looking between them and sighed, “So it's true?”  
“Yes”, Arthur nodded and tightened his hold onto Merlin's right hand with his own.  
She dropped her gaze at their entwined fingers and then looked back up at them both.  
“I'm happy for you”, she said smiling, “you finally figured it out”  
Merlin flushed and even Arthur blushed a bit, scratching his neck in embarrassment with his other hand.  
“And you want me to cover for you”, she continued.  
Arthur nodded again.  
“No”, Merlin intervened and shook his head, “I don't – it's not right and neither is it fair for you or Lancelot”  
“No, no, Merlin”, Gwen said quickly, looking at him with big eyes, “It's alright, it was actually my idea!”  
“It... was?”, Merlin asked barely convinced.  
“Yes, Merlin. Arthur came to me... to talk about... you and what he could do and should do as the prince... I just didn't want you two to suffer, no one needs a heart broken king, don't you think?”  
Arthur smiled at her, then at Merlin, who was still looking at Gwen as if she had gone mad.  
“But Gwen, you can't be seen with Lancelot again and... I'm sorry to say this, but you are only a serving girl, just like me, don't you think Uther will object?”  
This time it was Arthur who interrupted him, “No, Merlin. Father has no say in this and I rather have a pretend-wife at my side who was a servant but is my friend than some princess who expects me to actually behave like her husband seen as well as unseen and whom I can't trust even half as much as Gwen. And if we want to have the slightest chance to be together then it's this...”  
Gwen nodded, “He's right, Merlin. And I want to do this for you. For the both of you. I can't be happy if you can't be, it wouldn't feel right”  
She smiled and Merlin couldn't help returning it.  
“Thank you, Gwen”, he finally said and let go of Arthur to give her a loving hug.  
“We will come back to the castle before sun sets, you can go ride ahead, Guinevere. If anyone asks we are out on a hunt”  
“Then you better bring back something remotely hunted”, she winked at them and made a quick curtsey before walking off.  
Once she was out of sight and Arthur was sure she was gone, he turned to face Merlin with a broad grin.   
“Is that really alright?”, Merlin asked.  
Arthur simply pulled him back into his arms, “Stop worrying, idiot”  
Merlin put his arms around Arthur and held him close, “I can't... I'm with you after all”  
“Stupid”, Arthur said fondly, kissing Merlin's black mop of hair, “It will all work out fine, you will see”  
“I'm trying”, Merlin whispered and moved to look into Arthur's blue eyes.  
“I love you, don't ever forget that”, Arthur said comfortingly.  
Merlin smiled, biting down on his bottom lip, before moving in to kiss the blonde's lips softly with his, “I love you too, always have and always will be”  
Arthur moved his hands up and under Merlin's shirt, all the while smiling, “I know”  
“Prat”, Merlin sighed, licking at the prince's lips.  
“Idiot”, Arthur breathed, trailing his fingers over Merlin's skin, his feather light touches making the dark haired man squirm under his hands.  
“Dollophead”, Merlin almost groaned, as Arthur's hands found their way under the waistband of his trousers.  
“Merlin”, the prince whispered lowly into Merlin's ear and soon their troubles and worries were forgotten, if only for a short amount of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it and sorry for all of you who were waiting for porn, it didn't fit this story at all, sorry.  
> And no, there willl be no sequel, just watch the show.  
> I did try writing it as a piece to fit inbetween series 3 and 4 (so this is why Arthur married Gwen in my eyes and why Uther was that down and where Aggravaine had suddenly come from and well, trying to fill SOME plot holes ^^°)  
> I hope you enjoyed reading it.  
> And thanks to all the ppl who read this and even commented on it. A big shoutout to kesmith at that point! I always enjoyed your comments :)


End file.
